5 Goals, Jeremy? That's Insane
I am extremely tired and hungover and cannot be held responsible for any mistakes in this issue.
The Week In Ball
I'm starting this on Sunday morning, having gorged myself silly on football already this weekend, and yet I feel like I've really only had a starter.
And delicious it was. The 3-1 win by Arsenal over Aston Villa on Friday was energising and a thankfully excellent start to the weekend. My boys looked like they played with passion and need, something that's been missing for most of this season, bar the NLD. My German sons Dortmund also came back from their humiliating Champions League defeat to Ajax with a Haaland-less win against Arminia Bielefeld, also a 3-1.
Early on Saturday we were treated (unless you're a Norwich fan, in which case sorry) to a Chelsea masterclass and they thumped the Canaries 7-0. This was without Lukaku and Werner and with Havertz being mostly kept quiet. Mason Mount scored a hattrick, including a penalty retake. And you know? He's just very cute isn't he?
The evening was rounded off, much to the chagrin of my husband who says that 'too much football gets boring' (weird, don't get it) with Bologna vs. AC Milan. I tweeted this too but it seems that every time I watch a late night European match someone gets sent off and on this occasion two players got sent off. Neither could be argued with, including one horrific ankle breaking tackle where you see the hideous bent of the joint in the slo-mo replay.
It was a crazy match, ending 2-3 with Milan only just getting the winner late on, despite being against 9 men for a significant period. Perhaps the most interesting thing was that I found myself invested in the result and desperate for Milan to score, which got me thinking, are Milan my Italian boys? I've never been able to settle on one particular Serie A team, having reasons for and against most of them but maybe they're the ones (and yes, I've done my due diligence on their political affiliation and they're traditionally associated with the working class left of Milan and while they did have two stints with Berlusconi as owner they just have a bog standard shitty businessman as owner now).
This is something I really like about coming to a league you've not grown up with and have less of a stake in or knowledge of, your favourites come to you organically and almost against your will. Take La Liga, I've tried so hard to pick a smaller team, to not blindly glory hunt or go to the most famous and yet I can't shake my attraction to Barcelona. I like their kit, their players, their vibe. I know it's a bad time to settle on them, just when they're going through a period of extreme upheaval, but look at the kids they've got coming through; Gavi, Ansu Fati, Pedri... it remains to be seen whether they can keep hold of Gavi (the other two having recently signed on until 2026 with 1b euro release clauses) but negotiations are currently underway and if they can hold on to him this could end up being an unreal team in a few years.
Picking up foreign football can also renew or increase your interest in the game. There was a question on one of the Stadio mailbag episodes about how to keep your interest in the game when you might be feeling disillusioned either by your team or your league etc. and one of the suggestions was to take in a match in a league/country you wouldn't normally; watch a women's match if you only watch men's, go to your local non-league side, catch a game from the Primeira Liga. It really makes such a big difference and it's so satisfying to increase your knowledge of and passion for other areas.
RIGHT, so now we need to get into the meat and potatoes of the weekend.
The day kicked off for me, a mammoth 11 hours watching football non-stop with not a break in sight, with switching between Atalanta v Udinese and Nice v Lyon. Frankly I can't remember much about them other than sneering when I saw Jerome Boateng. Also re. the above, sometimes you find your team and sometimes you don't. I can't attach myself to anyone in Ligue 1 and that's OK! Apart from enjoying PSG lose it's nice to be a pure neutral.
So then the first of the derbies, the extremely boring Spurs v West Ham game. I didn't even see the goal because I'd already switched over for El Clasico and honestly, apart from feeling obliged as an Arsenal fan to enjoy Spurs losing (and also my Dad's a Hammer) I couldn't have really cared less?
So, El Clasico. I think it might even be the first I've watched! I had my eye on my son Gavi of course and despite crossing my fingers, I had no illusions that Barcelona would win. What they did was to really squeeze the Barca midfield. As I tweeted to Ryan Hunn of Stadio, against Valencia Gavi was everywhere, his touch was beautiful and boy, he ran and ran and ran. Real however managed to subdue him and perhaps he was nervous as well (he's the youngest ever El Clasico player!) as he misplaced some passes, found himself in front of others on their way to him and just generally seemed to be trapped by Kroos and the others around him.
On the other hand Vini Jr was incredible. He was getting into pockets of space, making himself a nuisance to defenders and seemed to be involved in everything. However, it was new boy David Alaba who opened the scoring with a fabulous goal that tore open the Barca back line.
The game finished 1-2 with a late consolation goal from Aguero, but there was no doubt at all who came out on top.
At that point I was double screening because the real box office hit of the day had started. As always with these games Sky approached it with pomp and ceremony and no small amount of bombast. Often this backfires and we end up with a dry 0-0 where nobody comes out of it learning anything.
NOT THIS WEEKEND
Liverpool tore United apart and ended up 5-0 winners. With this coming out on a Tuesday there has already been all the hand wringing articles that can possibly be written, rumours of a new manager (Conte) and enough memes to fuel Twitter for months.
So instead let me concentrate on what an utterly joyous experience it was watching with both Twitter and a Liverpool fan. From the moment Graeme Souness and Jamie Carragher openly laughed at Gary Neville in the build up you know what kind of afternoon you were in for. Maybe it was going to go United's way and they'd have egg on their face, which would have made the TL equally riotous but let's face it, on current form that was never really going to happen.
Once the game kicked off and Liverpool had taken the lead within five minutes it all exploded. My husband yelled, the timeline went crazy, it was joyous. When everyone is united (sorry, no pun intended), Football Twitter is brilliant. We all know it's populated with dreadful people with footballer userpics whose sole goal is to abuse and antagonise but pick the right people and to follow and it's golden. A hotbed of humour, insight, intelligent thought and fun.
That was nowhere near the end of it though, Mo Salah scored a hattrick making him both the highest scoring African the Premier League has ever seen and the highest scoring African (or frankly any nationality) in my Fantasy Premier League side. Ronaldo was lucky not to be sent off after kicking Curtis Jones, twice, with absolute intent. He was saved solely by the ball being between him and Jones. And then Pogba was brought on and within 15 minutes he was dispatched for a hard tackle on Keita.
I'm going to leave the final words on this to David Squires and this week's excellent comic that had me cackling from start to finish and this superb tactical break down by Tifo IRL
Other things to mention from the weekend were a very dull Derby D'Italia (Juve v Inter) which I ended up turning off in favour of Atletico Madrid v Real Sociedad, whilst I was double screening and taking in La Classique, Marseille v PSG.
First thing to mention, Jonthan Pearce is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs. During a lull in what was a tetchy, disruptive game he decided to tell an anecdote about how he'd had a dream about offering the Marseille manager some minestrone soup and that he didn't like it. Pure scenes.
Aside from that though the game was mostly notable for crowd trouble, bottles and other missiles were thrown over a moving net put up to prevent this meaning at one point Neymar needed police protection to take a corner. And after that, with Messi on the break, a supporter managed to run onto the pitch and disrupt the attack.
Kick Off
I've written so much about the weekend and I'm tired and hungover that I'm not going to cover a specific piece of gameplay this week. What I am going to do though is set you some homework [grinning devil emoji].
Pick a game, any game, and choose a player to monitor. Watch that player like a hawk, look at the way they move, the spaces they get into, the passes they play, the passes they pick up. Look at their feet and their body shape.
It's not something I've ever done until recently and it's a good thing to do on a replay having already watched a match. It can really give you a feel for what a player's vibe is, if they're good and how they're good and also how opposition players deal with them. It'll also, to an extent, make you feel a little smug and smart, like you're prepping for Match of the Day or the half time analysis.
The Offside Thirst Trap
This week I offer you a man who, quite frankly, may be perfect. Of course he could well be a shit, I don't know him, but whenever I see him on the pitch I'm reminded that he's a figure of physical beauty and proportion. Muscular arms, a beautiful torso, long strong legs and a gorgeous face and a stellar smile. He's a leader, he has command and presence, he knows his job. Friends, it's Ruben Dias.
For a start, let's not pretend I wouldn't want to be Zinchenko here:
I mean ffs
Kit Bag
This week Roma revealed their tasty fourth kit. A lovely navy with their traditional gold and carmine used as details. The watermark style design is beautiful and I'm a big fan of the round neckline. The only unfortunate thing is that they wore it playing Bodø/Glimt in the Europa League where they were smashed 6-1 so it's obviously now cursed, which is a shame.
Extra Time
I extremely enjoyed this tweet about Neuer during the Champions League
And I shall be treasuring this gif of Aaron Ramsdale from the Villa game (click through, it's worth it)
On a more serious note, this explainer of the Benzema/Valbuena court case is excellent and exposes the seedy side of the super rich sports player
Lastly, I made an instagram for the newsletter! Enjoy more frequent thirst traps, shirts, fun stuff and well, that'll probably be it to be fair. Follow here!
I may have said lastly for the instagram but the actual final word goes to this: I MET IAN WRIGHT AND MUSA OKWONGA! It was such a good night of poetry, prose and conversation in a wonderful intimate venue and I will not stop mentioning this going forward :D
For comments, clarifications, questions or corrections drop me a line at thewayutalkaboutball@gmail.com
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