An Eggstravaganza of Football
An Eggstravaganza of Football
I hope everyone has been enjoying the long weekend, if you're in the UK and/or not working. It's been lovely weather and the Football Gods have certainly delivered.
The Week In Ball
Hello! I was rushed last week (my own fault) and didn't take time to properly talk about everything I would have liked to talk about so I'm starting early this week, writing this the morning after the night before [the first two Champions League Quarter Finals]
Let's start with the game I didn't watch, Bayern Munich v. Villarreal. Despite the 1-0 lead held by Villarreal the immediate instinct here is to assume that Bayern, with home advantage and Lewandowski, would boss this leg. That the first leg was an anomaly and one of those results the UCL sometimes throws up.
However if you thought this then maybe you're going by reputation and you haven't really been paying attention to the Bundesliga or indeed La Liga this season. Bayern, though top, though on course for their tenth Bundesliga title in a row, have had moments of shakiness. They've been beaten and beaten significantly and by teams you wouldn't expect, on several occasions this season. By contrast Villarreal, though dipping in form in the league a little recently, have been a tight ship (submarine?), coached wonderfully by Unai Emery and especially in Europe have bossed it.
Of course the first goal was scored by none other than Lewandowski and for a long time it seemed like we were going to extra time and possibly penalties. However, on the 88th minute Samuel Chukwueze scored for Villarreal giving them a shock advantage. They held onto it through the last couple of minutes and stoppage time and then the job was done.
Afterwards the sheer giddy glee on the team Twitter account was wonderful. There was outright pure celebration and then there was a hefty dose of shade. Lovely stuff.
And so to Madrid. Now I'm not going to lie, I fell asleep during the first half, fully and deeply. I saw Mount's first goal and then conked out. However, I don't think I did myself a disservice here because the true, breathless action came after 51 minutes when Rudiger scored to pull the teams level. I'd woken up at that point, in time to see him head it in and run off doing his usual wild eye celebration. After that? CHAOS.
First there was a second goal from Chelsea, scored via the hand of Marcos Alonso. It was of course ruled out, correctly so, I think we all agree with that even if we don't like it, but it really was the slightest of touches. It wasn't until the post-match analysis when they slowed it right down that I could even tell it had brushed his hand. VAR took its time too, eventually chalking it off to roars of appreciation from the assembled Madridistas.
Next, Timo Werner scored a legitimate goal, putting Chelsea ahead on aggregate and meaning they had to hold on for just ten minutes to secure the tie with another one of those classic UCL comebacks.
Madrid were not having this though. On the 80th minute Rodrygo scored a beautiful volley but no-one's going to remember that so much as they are the assist from Luka Modric. The vision, precision and just perfect, astounding skill to make this pass... well.
At 90 minutes the tie remained at a stalemate so the game went to extra time and there could have been no greater gift from the narrative gods than what we were about to receive, which was a goal from the man of the moment, Karim Benzema. It had to be him, the universe wouldn't allow any other outcome. And so from that moment a ragged, exhausted Chelsea who gave their all could only fight to claw their way back, while Real seemed to ramp up a gear to see it out.
So to Wednesday. There were lots of tweets throughout the day about how there was no way the ties could live up to the drama of Tuesday, to which I tweeted about the 2019 semi finals. Remember those? Liverpool's astonishing comeback against Barcelona followed by Spurs killing every Ajax player in the 96th minute. Basically I was confident it would be good.
And boy was it.
Due to marital commitments I watched the Liverpool match. I probably could've double screened with the other tie on my iPad but I did that a few times last year during these stages and it just ends up being extremely annoying for the person watching the TV when I can't help but shout at the screen or gasp or swear. So Liverpool it was.
It wasn't a bad game either! For a game that seemed like a dead rubber, enhanced by Jurgen's team selection (although let's be honest they have such depth and breadth that it could hardly have been called bad) it had excitement and peril and lots of goals. It started with another header from Konate, who got on the end of a Tsimikas corner after 21 minutes. This was followed by a Benfica stunner which of course went to VAR but was ruled IN.
In the second half Bobby scored a brace in ten minutes to put Liverpool 6-2 to the good on aggregate. There then followed two goals from Benfica sub Roman Yaremchuk and star boy Darwin Nuñez both potentially offside, both ruled in. Suddenly it was 6-4 and while you'd think, with only 9 minutes left, this would be fine, I can assure you that Liverpool hearts were pounding. They held onto this lead though, despite a barrage of chances from Benfica, the reward a semi final tie with Villarreal.
This just leaves Atleti v Man City at the Wanda Metropolitano. As previously mentioned I didn't watch this one until the very very end when the Liverpool game had finished and there were 9 minutes of stoppage time in Spain.
This meant I saw most of the "disgraceful antics" of the Atleti team (though let's not let Foden off the hook, there was no small amount of dark arts in his reaction to being fouled), including Jack Grealish's hair being pulled after he called Stavic a cunt, John Stones acting as peacemaker (more of him later), Vrsaljko losing his shit in the tunnel, an unseen headbutt, a throttling, a red card, Zinchenko coming off the bench to protect Foden, Simeone being yellow carded for stepping on the pitch to calm things down... I could go on.
This led to an outpouring of sickening moralising from the BT pundits (including blurring Grealish's mouth in case you could tell he was saying cunt, after clearly showing him saying cunt moments before). WE LOVE SCENES. OK so I was less keen on Sterling being choked and headbutted but the rest? Fine! It's one of the reasons we watch football and love football. WIthout chaos there is nothing.
On Thursday we dove into the Europa League and the Europa League Conference.
Going into the plum tie of the round, Barcelona were drawing 1-1 with Eintracht Frankfurt. The second leg was at Camp Nou. Barça were flying high having destroyed Madrid in El Clasico recently and were sitting pretty in second in La Liga. And yet.
After four minutes Filip Kostic converted a penalty kick for the visitors and made me yell “oh fuck off!” while at dinner with my friend. Borré then scored while I was in a cab home, making me audibly groan. This happened mere seconds before the West Ham goal which was on the car radio and I had to clarify that I was not, in fact, psychic. A third goal followed midway through the second half, to give Kostic his brace and frankly it just wasn’t happening for Barça. Auba seemed to be playing to his late Arsenal standards and they just couldn’t finish.
The tie didn’t end without drama however as Sergio Busquets scored a rare goal on 90+1 with stoppage time of 9 minutes. At this point Barcelona started to really fight and I wondered… could they? They didn’t but they did get a 90+11 penalty which Memphis converted but it was too little too late. The favourites were out.
This leaves us with semi finals of West Ham Eintracht Frankfurt and RB Leipzig Rangers. I can’t lie, aside from West Ham who I’m pleased for but am indifferent about, none of these were the teams I wanted to go through. C’est la vie! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In the Conference Leicester Roma and Feyenoord Marseille are through. Those are two tasty ties!
So let us leave European football and move to the leagues.
In Italy both Inter and Milan won leaving Milan top of the tree by two points but Inter still with a game in hand. Juve squeaked a draw against 9 man Bologna with a 90+5 strike from Vlahovic. Napoli and Roma play today which could draw Napoli level on points with Juve if they win, although positions may remain the same due to goal difference.
In La Liga not much has changed. In the battle for Europa places (of either variety) Betis and Sociedad drew leaving them 5th and 6th respectively and Atleti won keeping them in 4th. On Sunday evening Real Madrid played Sevilla and for a while it looked like Sevilla were going to beat them, going up 2-0 with goals in quick succession from Rakitić and Lamela. However, Madrid Madrided and came back to 2-2 and of course, who else in stoppage time but Karim Benzema. Madrid are now 15 points clear at the top with 18 points to play for, 24 in Barcelona's case as they play Cadiz this evening and if I'm right still have a fixture against Rayo Vallecano to play. We shouldn't even whisper the words 'title challenge' around this but until it's no longer mathematically possible it can't be ruled out. Heads would say it can and let's face it Madrid are very unlikely to slip up but while there's hope, there's hope.
Further north in France it was Le Clasique at le Parc des Princes. PSG vs. Marseille. PSG looking to win their tenth L'Hexagoal, Marseille looking to secure a Champions League place. With away fans banned and PSG ultras protesting the running of the club it was a bizarre game with little to no atmosphere but ongoing needle between the players and some slightly bizarre decisions. PSG went ahead via a Neymar goal after 12 minutes, followed on 19 minutes by a terrible fumble by Donnarumma to gift Caleta-Car the equaliser. A harsh but correct penalty decision was given on the stroke of half-time which Mbappé converted. In the second half both teams had a goal disallowed with PSG managing to hold on and put themselves 15 points clear of Marseille.
In Germany, after many disappointing performances, Borussia Dortmund won… 6-1 against Wolfsburg on Saturday. The alerts for this match wouldn’t stop pinging, five goals in 14 minutes. As I wasn’t watching I’ve no idea whether BVB were brilliant or Wolfsburg were woeful but what I do know is that there were five different goal scorers, including debutant Tom Rothe along with Witsel, Akanji and Can, and a brace for Håland. Reus and Brandt also got a brace each of assists with Håland and Wolf popping up as well.
Union also beat Europa League hangover sufferers Eintracht putting them up into the Conference spot. A massive achievement for a club only promoted to the Bundesliga for the first time in the 19/20 season.
In the Premier League the weekend got off to a shocker with Burnley sacking Sean Dyche, leaving a collaborative team in charge for the West Ham game. For a long time it looked like they were going to pull it off, with Burnley leading until the Hammers clawed back an equaliser in the 74th minute.
In other “leaving it late” news, both Brentford and Newcastle were being held by Watford and Leicester respectively until they each scored late late stoppage time winners. Brentford via a beautiful 95th minute Christian Eriksen free kick which captain Pontus Jansson was able to get on the end of and Newcastle via a bullet header from newly crowned Tyneside legend Bruno Guimarães who ripped his shirt off and then very much looked like he was going to go for his shorts too. (He didn’t but both myself on Twitter and Alan Smith on commentary felt moved to point this out).
As for the Top 4… in the early kick off a sluggish, lacklustre Spurs went down to a shock late winner from Brighton with Leandro Trossard netting a goal on 90 minutes. As you can imagine I shrieked. It was in Arsenal’s hands…
So of course Arsenal met a Southampton team determined to bounce back from last week’s 6-0 defeat to Chelsea and well, bounce back they did. A note here to say that after the game, which I followed only via social media, I felt extremely disconsolate and like we were fully dropping the ball after such a wonderful purple patch. And we are, there’s no doubt about that. Our lack of squad depth and inexperience is showing and we need to own that (I think, to be fair, that Mikel and most sensible fans do). However, until I watched MOTD I assumed we’d been just awful. Yes everyone was also talking about how incredible Fraser Forster was (he was) but when I watched the footage I felt a little better about everything. TL:DR - social media does not accurately portray how your team did in a game, especially if they lost.
Unfortunately the two North London results left the door open for United to sneak through and unfortunately, despite best efforts, Norwich were unable to stop them. Conceding two goals to Norwich either side of half time isn’t great but when you have Ronaldo in form on your side, well… My thoughts on Ronaldo are well documented but it made the result and Arsenal’s subsequent drop to 6th, even harder to take.
That was that for the league this weekend as it was FA Cup Semi Final Weekend! We’ll speak about the Women’s FA Cup later in the newsletter so firstly, to Wembley for Liverpool v Man City.
A 3:30pm Saturday kick off, in London for two teams in the North West, on a weekend with no trains to the capital was certainly A Choice but fans made it and it was noisy.
It was meant to start with a minute’s silence to commemorate 33 years since the Hillsborough tragedy, the anniversary of which was on Good Friday. Unfortunately City fans decided to chant and make noise throughout it leaving referee Michael Oliver to cut it short. I cannot get over how disgusting this is. Hillsborough was horrendous. I remember it happening and I’ve watched and read numerous things about it since and it never gets any less harrowing. It’s one of the few things that can make me cry within literal seconds of thinking about, yes I’m struggling even now. To think it’s OK to disrupt a tribute because of tribal loyalties is repulsive. It was good to hear Steve Wilson on BBC One chastise those making noise and reminding them that “some people seem to have forgotten what a privilege it is to attend a game and sit down”.
Those who took part certainly had their comeuppance as Liverpool roared out of the gates at breakneck speed with Ibrahima Konaté performing a redux of his goal against Benfica, popping up to head it in after 9 minutes. This was followed by a Mané goal on 17 minutes, a weird replica of the Ederson/Jota moment from the league match last Sunday. Only this time it wasn’t Ederson in goal but Zack Steffen who fumbled and allowed Mané to score. He popped up again to score on the stroke of half time.
After a breathless half where Liverpool just didn’t stop, it was time for City to try and claw back some ground and they did, with a Jack Grealish goal on 47 minutes. Sadly no-one pulled his hair this time leaving much of my Timeline bereift. From then it was end to end and Liverpool nerves were fraying, especially when Bernardo scored in stoppage time leaving many to believe that maybe they might pull back a third and force extra time. It wasn’t to be however and Liverpool have finally reached their first FA Cup Final under the new longest serving manager in the league, Jurgen Klopp.
On Sunday it was the turn of Crystal Palace and Chelsea. My rant for this match is the stupidity of Conor Gallagher not being able to play against his parent club. I get it on one level, the player may be biased (is that the reason? I don’t actually know the reason now I think about it) but lord, spare me. It’s such a patronising attitude and really frustrating for players and coaches.
Anyway! The game! It wasn’t anywhere near as exciting as the one on Saturday unfortunately. For an hour neither team could get an attack going until Ruben Loftus-Cheek smashed a rebound to open the scoring. This was followed not long after by a cheeky Mason Mount goal that was deflected off someone’s bum and into his path. After that it was all Chelsea and they prevailed, with Ziyech and Lukaku missing golden chances. So we have a repeat of the Carabao Cup Final. Can we hope for more Trent/Kai content? Will Tuchel play Kepa again and will he sky another penalty? Only a month to wait to find out…
Kick Off
A slightly different vibe to this section this week as on Easter Sunday I went to Meadow Park to watch Arsenal v Chelsea in the Women’s FA Cup Semi Final to see which of them would be meeting Man City at Wembley.
I don’t attend many football matches. My first was the play-off between Swindon and Leicester in 1993 at Wembley, then a couple of games at the County Ground during that fateful Premier League season Swindon had, then not again until an England women’s game during the Olympics in 2012. This was the first since then.
I went on my own and of course, being me, had a few worries and stresses beforehand. Would I find it OK? Would I get a parking space? Would it be easy to find the entrance? Was I going to fit through the turnstile? Would I get a seat? What if I got thirsty or needed the loo?
All of these things turned out to be absolutely fine. I got there with zero issues, and despite driving into the car park to a man yelling it was full, there were in fact several free spaces. The entrance was right there, the turnstile snug but doable without embarrassment. Many people were taking in large bags and the only requirement seemed to be no cans or glass bottles. If I’d have known this I’d probably have taken in a (plastic) bottle of water and maybe some snacks, instead of a silly little handbag which only had a packet of Cherry Drops in to keep me going.
Arsenal do a First Time Fan’s Guide but none of this information is on there. It’s just basic directions and a guide to the current team. No real practical information like bag size and prohibited items, where the toilets are (every corner!), if there’s food (yes but the queues were horrendous), where to sit (anywhere but the south and south west corners which is away fans and the reserved seating opposite the stand with the press seating)
I got there pretty early and even then seating was at a premium in the main stand so I trudged all the way round the edge of the pitch to the other side where lots of seating was available.
At this point I looked up and was met with two absolute Arsenal legends. Super Fan Maria Petri and, to my everlasting delight - GUNNERSAURUS. I confess I was too chicken to get a picture with him but I did high five him😭
It also turned out I’d made my way to the reserved seating so I had to walk all the way back round again. I did get this good pic of the ground before I left though.
Thanks to the Seat Gods, when I got back to the unreserved seating, I got a solitary pew on the front row at the end, right next to the loos and by the goal. Perfection!
Now, this would be the time that I should insert a match report but I confess I found it fairly hard to see what was going on! Most of the action in both halves happened at the opposite end to where I was sitting. Which essentially means that Arsenal had the best of it in the first and Chelsea in the second. Unfortunately Chelsea scored twice, neither of which I had a clear view of (though I understand were both good goals), but it didn’t seem to dampen the atmosphere.
Afterwards both sets of players milled around on the pitch and spoke with fans, including Chelsea's Ji who I saw talking to a baby as I was making my way out. Extremely wholesome and adorable!
I'd definitely recommend going if you have a chance, whether it be to Arsenal specifically or your local women's team. I'll be at the North London Derby at the Emirates in May and a handful of games at the Euros in July, so maybe I'll see some of you there!
Football 'eritage
I normally try to keep this section light. The funny side of football, the origins of memes or quirky facts etc. However there are also serious things that need covering in order to explain the way Football is these days.
So today I want, briefly, to talk about Hillsborough.
To quote everything that’s ever written about it, on April 15th 1989 95 people went to a football match and didn’t come home. The 96th died in 1993. The 97th sadly passed away in July 2021 at the age of 55 as a result of the life-changing injuries he sustained during the tragedy.
To explain extremely basically what happened, the crowd management at the ground was poor, terrible decisions were made by those in charge and fans on the Leppings Lane stand found themselves crushed by surging crowds. There’s no need to be more explicit than that.
Afterwards the police lied. This is a fact. The Sun spread those lies in the most disgusting fashion using the most harrowing images. Even now large swathes of Merseyside retailers won’t stock the newspaper and you’ll often see the hashtag #JFT97 (Justice for the 97) accompanied by the hashtag #DontBuyTheSun.
The stories from the day are harrowing, the articles linked to below are distressing and not for the faint hearted. It’s important we remember what really happened though. How it could have been avoided. The fact that no-one has been successfully prosecuted for it and perhaps most importantly given the depressing actions of the City fans on Saturday, how Liverpool fans have been exonerated of all blame.
A further impact of the disaster was the Taylor Report, which was published in 1990 and recommended all ticketed supporters should have a seat and that all upper tier (Premier League and Championship as is now) Clubs convert to this model by August 1994. That this was implemented and that it's taken 33 years for safe standing to be trialled shows just how much of an effect Hillsborough had.
If you did want to do any further reading here are a couple of articles and programmes that may be of interest. Naturally there is detail within them which could be upsetting or triggering to many so please tread with care. Particular issues to highlight are suicide, suicidal thoughts, trauma, injury, alcoholism, violence, state perpetuated violence, offensive language and stereotyping and of course death.
The great betrayal: how the Hillsborough families were failed by the justice system by David Conn - an excellent look at how the lies were spread and how justice has still never been received.
Life after Hillsborough, told by the men and women who survived by Simon Hughes - I read this in bed this morning and boy, it is a hard hard read. All the content notes above apply to this.
Hillsborough - in 2016 the BBC broadcast this superb documentary about the events of the day and after. There are a lot of talking heads, a lot of footage and naturally it's difficult to watch but I remember afterwards thinking how important and infuriating it was.
Anne - this drama on ITV, broadcast earlier this year, tells the story of Anne Williams who fought to find out how her son was killed in the disaster.
Hillsborough Law Now Campaign - this campaign aims to change the law to protect people who suffer in similar situations in the future in order to stop any further miscarriages of justice.
The {Offside} Thirst Trap
The Atleti City game on Wednesday awakened a lot of previously unexpressed desire for one player, someone I've been quietly fancying since the World Cup in 2018. The outpouring of lust for whom liberated me to finally be able to say yes, YES, he is EXTREMELY HOT, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
It is of course John Stones.
John Stones. Peacemaker, clown, excellent defender, possessor of really gorgeous curly hair. He seems like a decent guy, down to Earth, friendly. He's very funny, speaks well in interviews and god, he's just really handsome OK?
If you need more evidence perhaps I can direct to you this? A two-for-one with previous inductee Ruben Dias.
Or maybe this one from the Euros last year
This is really great, absolute peak banter
Extra Time
I don't talk as much about women's football as I'd like or it deserves (though maybe what it deserves is to be left out of this nonsense lol) but I do follow it - see above - and I enjoyed this short little blog post from Lotte Wubben-Moy about the importance each fan has.
Speaking of women's football, after they were beaten 5-0 by England, Northern Ireland manager Kenny Shiels called women 'too emotional' and that was why they always conceded goals in quick succession. Naturally this was refuted everywhere, the suggestion is so outdated and ridiculous and offensive. Flo Lloyd-Hughes wrote this great little comment piece after which sums it all up.
Following his interview with the Arsenal Supporter's Trust, Granit Xhaka has given a much more in depth interview to the Players' Tribune Football about his life as a footballer, his youth and his experiences following the incident in October 2019 when he was stripped of the Arsenal captaincy. It's honest and raw and well worth watching.
Villarreal are going to subsidise round trips to Liverpool for their Champions League semi-final
That's it for this week, thanks for reading as always and see you again next Monday!
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