"C_ _ F_" ... "F _ C_N" ... "A_NFC"... "AFCON"!
"C_ _ F_" ... "F _ C_N" ... "A_NFC"... "AFCON"!
Yes, the title is a clumsy Wordle reference... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The Week In Ball
League and Cup football is BACK.
There was an absolute feast of interesting games over the weekend, so many in fact I felt moved to write a list, and so I thought the best way of dealing with this section would be to share that list and to go through the games one by one.
Let me start with explaining my logic for picking these games. To start with, for once, apart from Arsenal Men who we know are out of the FA Cup, all my teams (FCB, BVB, ACM) were playing at a time where I could catch at least some of their games.
I wanted to see the new signings at Spurs and Barça, putting my Spanish lads in two categories. United and West Ham, as it ended up being, were playing lower league opposition in the FA Cup, in games that had the potential to be interesting.
The Derby Della Madonnina goes without saying (and like Barça puts Milan into two categories). As does the AFCON final.
This leaves Betis, who I just wanted to watch (plus Bellerin and Bartra...), my husband supports Liverpool and I also love to watch them, so that just leaves the options for late Sunday. Recently I've been watching Pottery Throwdown and once that's done I turn over to whichever European game looks the most fun, watch the second half of that and then jump onto my laptop to write this newsletter.
So that's my reasoning, let's get on with the games:
Manchester United v. Middlesbrough
This was a fun game. You never can tell how FA Cup matches are going to go, especially those between teams in two different leagues. Sometimes they're just really boring, whether it be because the higher placed team doesn't know how to play against lower league opposition and you end up in a dull stalemate, or the lower league team ends up being trounced. We all like to see goals but a total mismatch can be equally uninteresting.
This game however was of two teams who seemed fairly matched. Being a defender of the Bundesliga I was pleased to see Sancho scoring but I was even more delighted to see Ronaldo miss a penalty. What was he thinking? He can't even claim it was good goalkeeping as he just sent it wide. On the eve of his birthday too. As I tweeted: delicious.
Now I know normally I steer clear of controversial decisions, usually for fear of looking stupid or naive but this time I feel absolutely confident in saying the Middlesbrough's equaliser should have stood. It goes without saying that overall the handball law is a nonsense that needs to be stripped back and simplified as it's clear no-one really knows where we stand with it. However, I truly believe that this was a case of ball to hand, that it was, as VAR insisted, accidental and while I accept you can argue that the player made himself bigger, I would also argue that you naturally move that way for balance. He had both arms outstretched, not just the one the ball hit.
Whatever your view on that, it gave us to a tense period of extra time and then the sheer giddy joy of penalties. Penalties when you don't care (or even when you do, it's hateful but the rush of emotions is actually good either way I think?) are wonderful. Disappointingly Ronaldo scored and while almost all of the penalties were good I would also say that the keepers were bad. Pens are difficult to truly judge though so maybe that's unfair.
The final penalty, by Anthony Elanga, who spooned it high over the bar, meant Middlesbrough came away with a win at Old Trafford and a place in the next round. It was deserved in my opinion, they fought and fought and fought and maybe if the in-game penalty had been scored we wouldn't even have needed to care about the handball, the game turns on these fine margins and they took advantage.
These are also the occasions that bring Football Twitter together as one and it was thrilling watching the memes roll in. You go girl, get those numbers!
Kidderminster Harriers vs. West Ham United
I plumped for the West Ham game in the end as it was on the actual TV rather than iPlayer and I wasn't entirely sure that I'd made the right decision, until the last few minutes of normal time.
Kiddy took the lead after 19 minutes and managed to hold on until 90+1 when Declan Rice managed to squeeze his shot in at the perfect height and angle to roll under the roof of the net and down to equalise.
Extra time then. OK. Again, Kidderminster managed to hold on, fighting off numerous attacks by West Ham until, in a move that proved West Ham have zero respect for the Magic of the Cup, Bowen popped up to score in 120+1. Utterly devastating. You can't complain that they continued to go for it for every available second but penalties would have been brilliant. Ah well as they say.
BT Sport Score
Nah, I'm joking, I'm not going to do a round up of a round up.
Burnley vs. Watford Tottenham Hotspur vs. Brighton
Skipping Serie A for a moment just to cover these two matches.
After the Milan derby I flicked over to the second half of Burnley Watford and my god. Awful. Just truly awful. Like getting the shits after an incredible meal.
The only decent thing to come out of it was this beautiful bit of filth from Roy. Intentional? I think so, he's a wily old fox.
And then Spurs v Brighton in the FA Cup. Not only did I have to watch this on the ITV Hub because it was shown on ITV4 which our TV inexplicably refuses to tune into but it was soured from the beginning with the inclusion of Yves Bissouma. If you don't know why this is a bad thing I'll leave you to google it, it ties in with some of the issues that were covered last week.
Then there was the disappointment of neither Kulusevski nor Bentancur starting (though they both came on later annoyingly) which was the whole reason I put the game on. And finally? It was just really boring. Maybe I'd gorged myself too much by then? I'd been watching football pretty much solidly for eight hours at that point but whether it was that or just the game itself, I turned off at half time and watched the much more engaging Fiorentina vs. Lazio which had a delightful sending off of Lucas Torreira, channelling his Arsenal roots.
The Derby Della Madonnina
There's no polite way to put this: because of the bullshit 3pm blackout BT didn't join the game until 15 minutes after kick off. Just utterly ridiculous stuff. Luckily nothing happened in that time but man, what nonsense.
Anyway, I thought this was a great game. A little bit scrappy, a little bit all over the place but it was, at least, a good watch.
Inter took the lead after 38 minutes via Ivan Perišić with an assist from Hakan Çalhanoğlu and after that looked good for the win to be honest. Milan tried but couldn't get past Inter and this was how it went until at 75 minutes the legend, my beloved, the still missed Olivier Giroud popped up to score despite initially finding himself on the ground after a 'coming together'. Three minutes later? He did it again. A brace for Big Sexy (TM @nigerianscamsss).
Other things to note from the game:
At the death (90+5), Theo Hernandez, sporting a really quite unpleasant bleach job, did the absolute definition of 'taking one for the team' after clattering the attacking Inter player, earning him a deserved straight red. Thank you for your service Theo.
It was also great to see the low socks, cheekbones prince Sandro Tonali do a full 90 minutes. I'm so used to him being taken off I had to look twice when the clock was at 85 minutes and he was still there.
Pioli was looking sharp af on the touchline. Such a beautiful fit, the rollneck, the sleekness of the pure white trainers. Lovely stuff. (as an aside, there was a minor challenge made to my assertion that he looked great, by someone who disapproved of the trainer situation, suffice to say those of us who are pro the trainers are on the right side of history).
The win now puts Milan within a point of Inter at the top of Serie A, and while Inter do have a game in hand it was an important win in the fight for the Scudetto. (Annoyingly since writing this Napoli won and have leap frogged Milan to second, the points remain the same though)
(A brief interlude here to say that I also watched the FA Cup MOTD so I had just under 12 hours of solid football on Saturday. It's a sickness. Help me...)
Liverpool vs. Cardiff City
After a first half of little incident (actually was there a penalty shout? I think there was with Kelleher, it's been another long day! Not a pen for me Clive), this started to heat up in the second half.
Eventually, Liverpool took the lead with a fantastic header by Jota, proving his 'fox in the box' status. We then saw a second from Minamino and a third by the returning Harvey Elliott who has spent months injured and in rehab after dislocating his ankle against Leeds. It was so lovely to see and I was so happy for him. There's so much dirt and darkness floating around football at the moment that it's just wonderful when we get these good news stories.
We also got our first glimpse of Luis Diaz who linked up with Harvey almost immediately and only just failed to get a goal out of it. There was a hairy moment when he got scraped by studs and rolled around a bit (fair, it looked bloody painful) but it seemed to just be a skin wound and he was thankfully up and about soon after.
Nottingham Forest vs. Leicester City
I didn't watch this because I was watching La Liga, about which there'll be plenty more later, but I wanted to mention it because it was so delicious. If you pay attention to my Twitter you'll know I have a long standing grudge against Leicester and so it was great to see Forest batter them. I'm sorry for being so blunt about this but I just find them extremely difficult to like as a team. Also, it made Arsenal's 0-1 loss to them seem much more acceptable, so thanks Leicester I guess?
Borussia Dortmund vs. Bayer Leverkusen
Basically I'm glad I stuck to my schedule and only watched the first half of this, which was bad enough, ending as it did 1-3, but at least I was spared another two goals before a consolation from Stefan Tigges. Dortmund, your defence, it is very sick. Pls call a doctor. (Looks like they heard me)
Barcelona vs. Atletico Madrid
This. This was it. What a game. My game of the weekend for sure. A real treat from start to finish.
Firstly Adama Traore was in the starting lineup, his second debut for the club, and boy did he make a difference. He ran up and down that right flank causing chaos and running Hermoso ragged.
However it was Atleti who took the lead with a Carrasco goal and I immediately got that 'ah shit, here we go again' sinking feeling.
BUT! Mere moments later, Jordi Alba volleyed in this screamer, assisted by Dani Alves, to make things level and give the impression we'd all just stepped out of a time machine:
God it's beautiful. What a goal.
From then on Barcelona really were on top. It was incredible to watch them actually working as a team and being mostly slick and quick and forward thinking. This of course led to a second goal just eleven minutes later, from my incredible son Gavi, assisted by none other than Adama Traore. (As an aside I believe I mentioned this the last time Gavi scored but it does amuse me how violently Jordi Alba manhandles him when he's excited, he smacked him round the face last time I think?)
Just before half-time Ferran assisted Arajuo to another goal and Barça went in 3-1 at the break.
Not long after the restart Dani Alves was at it again, thumping in a deflection with a straight, clean shot that rattled the back of the net. It was not so much an angry goal as an announcement of intent.
Of course, with great highs you must have great lows and on the 69th minute Alves found himself dispatched from the field with a straight red. A trickster, an imp and a magician, he assisted, scored and got a red card and all within 69 minutes. Nice. And to top it all off? This is what he wore in his post match interview. I mean COME ON.
Barcelona now sit 4th in the La Liga table, having been 9th when Xavi took over and given today's performance I'd say they can seem pretty confident in this being the least of their ambitions. I certainly don't think they're going to win La Liga but Sevilla and Betis seem to be having their own wobbles so storming ahead doesn't seem entirely impossible.
Ah! Before I forget! Aubameyang made his debut too! He looked good and happy and like he fitted in well. I'm happy for him and I hope this really works out. It's the Barcelona derby next (Espanyol vs. FCB) and I'd like to see a bit more of him in that.
Oh yeah, I did also watch Betis vs. Villarreal but it was kinda boring and I was making dinner while it was on so this is just to say that yes, I ticked it off the list but I don't really have any analysis to offer apart from my oft trumpeted love of how Hector is thriving there. Also adored seeing Marc Bartra play too.
Senegal vs. Egypt
We round up the round up with the most important game of the weekend. The final of the Africa Cup of Nations between what is known here in England as Sadio Mané's Senegal and Mo Salah's Egypt.
The game started off in fine fashion with an almost immediate penalty awarded to Senegal. Mané stepped up and it was saved by everyone's new favourite, Gabaski. He of brooding good looks, ridiculous saves and time wasting shithousery every match when he suddenly likes to decide he's injured and pulls up and grumbles and rolls around for minutes at a time without actually ever looking like he wants to be subbed off.
From then on, well, it was a frustrating match. No-one could quite get enough on it to score, the ref was weirdly lenient, despite Mo trying to tell him not to be (and giving us a great picture in the process)
The rest of my thoughts on the final are more to do with the celebrations/commiserations at the end than the football itself, so let's finish up with some of the best moments of the night, excluding Infantino trying to get in on the act by being weird and not taking his hands off the trophy when Koulibaly was right there.
Sadio Mané consoling the Egypt team and especially Mo </3
Celebrations in Dakar
Koulibaly and Mané this morning on insta <3
Finally, do take a second to google 'Senegal AFCON' today :)
Kick Off
A short section here as all the others are so meaty, but I thought it pertinent to address the handball law.
Now I think I've mentioned this before when I wrote about direct and indirect free kicks but after the controversy over Middlesbrough's equaliser against United on Friday I think it needs revisiting.
There was much understandable uproar that the goal was allowed to stand but the rules couldn't be clearer.
On the 3rd August 2021 the Premier League published this update to the rules. Here it states that:
The second change is on accidental handball in the immediate build-up to a goal.
If an attacking player’s accidental handball immediately precedes another player scoring, the goal will now be awarded, when last season it was likely to have been ruled out.
However, a player will still be penalised if he commits an accidental handball immediately before scoring himself.
And these stills are from the video where Chris Kavanagh explains it:
Now of course, people are going to argue that it was a deliberate handball and that he was making himself unnaturally big, however as I've argued above in the round up of the game, I just don't believe that to be the case. Balls bobble around all the time, players are moving at speed and trying to balance, not everything is conscious or calculated. Like with fouls when they're slowed down and look horrendous, you need to have some sort of mitigation for how quickly something happened when you decide on intent.
After many weeks of skirting controversial refereeing decisions this is my opinion on this one, please don't shout at me!
The {Offside} Thirst Trap
Hey Bobby? What is the French for Va Va Voom?
Yes, I've definitely used that phrase before in this newsletter but both times it's been relevant! This time it's because this week's Thirst Trap is the 'Bobby' of the piece, Robert Pires.
A man who, while always handsome, has benefited from age and a beard, Robert Pires is quite simply dreamy and I thank Lewis Ambrose for reminding me of this (extremely annoying that it doesn't show the tweet he's quoting but to save you a click it's this: "There is only one thing girls want, and it starts with a P and ends in a S.")
A World Cup winner, Euros winner, Invincible and an Arsenal legend, Pires also played for Villarreal, Villa and V, no only joking, his final club was FC Goa. But really we don't care about that in this section, we just care that maybe, he is the answer to what the French for Va Va Voom is.
In a rare move I have a second Thirst Trap to add who I need to mention while he's, well, hot and that's Egypt's Mohamed Abou Gabal, otherwise known as Gabaski.
I'm not alone in losing my shit over him and his goal-line antics, my TL was alive with interest in him.
Merch Stand
I love New Order. LOVE them. They're up there with my all time favourite bands and some of the best gigs I've been to have been theirs.
They were also a big part of football infecting me and leaving me with my lifelong passion for it, back in 1990 when they released the peerless World In Motion. Is there a better football song out there? No. There simply isn't, not even Diamond Lights can touch it. I will fight you.
So when Mundial tweeted this out I naturally screamed. A BLACK KIT (long term readers/followers will know I've never met a black kit I didn't like), a World in Motion collection, a collection based on the England third kit that was never worn in Italia 90. Just wonderful.
There's also a ball and a beanie if you want to go full Madchester
Extra Time
I can't believe I haven't mentioned this already but if you haven't watched Yellowjackets yet you really need to get on it. I mention it here as it deals with a teenage girls' high school soccer team, even though that's the least interesting bit of the whole thing. I really can't describe it much more without giving it away but it's a disaster movie/body horror/supernatural/whodunnit/teen movie series that just gets better and better. DO NOT GOOGLE IT BEFOREHAND.
The performances are amazing and I don't think it's a spoiler to say it's set in both 1996 and 2021 and the casting of the actresses who appear in both times is exemplary.
They're also meant to be basically my age so it was quite an emotional watch at points and the soundtrack is superb and extremely evocative.
A little rec for a follow here: CBS Sports Golazo. They're US based so if you're not then sometimes you won't be able to see the videos they post but otherwise a really fun account for football content.
Jack Grealish showed what a nice guy he is this weekend. I really do think he's a decent lad just having a nice time.
The Celtic manager called out a question about the recent signings who all happen to be Japanese.
Union Street FC who include good eggs No Score Draws on their team took a stand against homophobia at their game on Saturday. More power to them and more of this in higher leagues please.
This is a great BTS of what happens when a manager has to self-isolate and watch the game at home...
This is a real beast of an issue so I shall leave it here. Until next week!
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