Hey Jude
I know, I’ve gone really leftfield with today’s title. It’s a song by an obscure band from Liverpool. They were around in the 60s mainly and played some small clubs and spent some time in Hamburg. You probably don’t know them so here’s the song:
Kick Off
Well. What a mad weekend of football. It wasn’t one of those wholesale weekends of utter chaos and madness but each league provided us with at least one big moment or breathless match, so instead of doing a big round up I’m going to look instead at one or two games per league. Yeah I guess this is kinda what I do anyway but run with it!
Let’s start at the end, with Serie A.
Champions Napoli versus fancied contenders Milan.
You always get a sense that this is going to be a tasty fixture. I know one of my bits has become ‘don’t sleep on Serie A!’ but I did literally that on Saturday, lulled into a deep snooze by Juventus. This couldn’t have been more different though.
The Maradona is always loud, always overly flashy (photosensitive people must have a hellish time watching their games) and these are two teams with colourful histories. It was no different last night and the game started at a furious pace.
It took just 22 minutes however for Olivier Giroud to rise like a salmon and head home Milan’s first goal. The space that Napoli left in the penalty area in the first half was astonishing, acres of empty pitch just waiting for Milan to take advantage. Which they did again nine minutes later with another Giroud header. They pretty much coasted for the rest of the half. It felt like there would be more goals, but that they were most likely to come from the Rossineri.
After the half time break however it was all change. It took just five minutes for Napoli to get one back and from then on it was a furious game. Then on the 63rd minute Napoli were awarded a free kick and well, Raspadori did this
My jaw hit the floor, Adam Summerton fully lost his shit (he’d been well on the way already), the crowd and the bench went mental. What a hit. Such a beautifully pure and clean strike and the way it hits the back of the net and just drops dead. Phwoar.
The rest of the game could have been anyone’s, but as it was it ended 2-2, leaving Milan third and Napoli fourth and me absolutely exhausted!
In France things were exhausting for another reason. As well as Napoli Milan, it was supposed to be Marseille Lyon last night too, however on its way into the stadium the Lyon team buses were attacked, leaving Lyon manager Fabio Grosso injured and bloody after being cut by shards of broken glass.
Both Lyon and Marseille condemned the attacks. I don’t really have much to add to this. It’s football, there are genuine horrors going on all over the world and this is how you chose to act? It’s nothing short of pathetic. I’m sure there are all sorts of reasons why it’s so prevalent in France, and Marseille in particular but at the end of the day these people need to grow the fuck up.
Spain then, and El Clásico. The first Clásico I can remember for a while that was played during the UK blackout and the first for a generation where an English talent absolutely balled out.
Yes. Jude Bellingham. Retire all of Birmingham’s shirts. Wind up the club. Give everyone called Jude £2000. Make Hey Jude our National Anthem. He is the real deal and of course, the Real deal.
Madrid went down to a Gundogan goal after just six minutes and it stayed that way for an hour but where there’s a Jude there’s a way, and after 68 minutes who would even the score? Yep, Jude Bellingham.
Not only did he score that stunning goal (the sound it makes!) but he also popped up at 90+2 to bundle home the winner. He is IT, he is HIM. Sure he’ll slow down at some point, won’t he? Yes, no doubt but until then we should sit back and enjoy what a truly special special player he is, even if he is doing it for Real.
Over in Germany, an old hand, Harry Kane, was refusing to have the limelight stolen from him and scored a hattrick in a frankly ridiculous 8-0 win against Darmstadt. In a game that saw three reds, one for Bayern after four minutes, then two for Darmstadt on 21 and 41 minutes, and seven (7) goals being scored in just 25 minutes (the eighth coming 12 minutes after that), the most dramatic thing that happened was THIS.
As always, we end in England for the Premier League.
City won.
So did Villa, in a result that included one of my favourite things: an Emi Martinez own goal that clonks in off the back of his head; Liverpool looked sublime, and not just because their two hottest players combined for their second goal and despite the horrendous ongoing situation with Luis Diaz; Brentford beat Chelsea and broke Thiago Silva (see Full Time); Bournemouth finally got a win; Wolves and Newcastle drew in a game that broke Pedro Neto, in a different way to Thiago Silva; Brighton and Fulham also drew with Fulham dressing up as highlighter pens for Halloween; Everton won at the London Stadium and Spurs won I guess.
Which brings us to Arsenal.
Every game I’m filled with fear and existential dread. I’m told this will go away once we win the league or the UCL but I dunno man, being good is fuckin stressful. Even when you’re about to play the bottom club. “They have to come good eventually!” I worry, “and it’s probably going to be against us!”.
I didn’t need to worry though did I. 5-0. The Blades were blunter than butter knives and Hale End won out.
Not only was the team yet again captained by Bukayo Saka, something that will never fail to choke me up, but Eddie Nketiah silenced his critics with a wonderful hattrick.
He was joined on the score sheet by new dad Fabio Vieira and debutant scorer Takehiro Tomiyasu, who posted this after the game.
We, as do Spurs, remain unbeaten. Our goal difference has taken a boost and thankfully United weren’t woeful enough to let in a fourth goal so we sit second behind Spurs with City in third.
We have a week of Carabao action ahead and then we’re back at it again in the league on Saturday!
Half Time
OK saying “City won” is a bit and to be honest I did want to leave it there but let’s talk about Manchester United for a moment.
What are they up to? What is their endgame here? They’re such a horribly toxic team, organisation and fanbase that even legends are giving up their pretence of positivity, of something being built. A team that has spent millions and millions of pounds over the past 18 months started Harry Maguire and Jonny Evans. In a derby. Their captain is a petulant child. They continue to play someone who demonstrates the kind of unsavoury behaviours we know he enacts in his personal life, despite a previous scandal that caused them untold ill will.
Their fans, well, the masses on Twitter, I know that if you support United and you’re reading this you’re probably OK, are defensive, combative and often downright evil. Of course all fanbases have their bad actors but in my personal experience, through all the shit I’ve given teams over the years, both in jest and in deadly seriousness, I’ve never been treated the way I have been by Manchester United fans.
So do I want them to do well and sort themselves out? No, I absolutely do not, but on a human level I also don’t want to see players like Van der Beek, Sancho, Pogba, Lukaku consistently fucked over. There’s also an element of ghoulishness in the way we’re currently viewing their downfall which is uncomfortable. No-one is going to come out of this well. But honestly? For now? Fuck ‘em.
Full Time
While we’re here, I will eat my hat if Messi doesn’t win the Ballon D’Or tonight, that’s about the extent to which I’m arsed though.
The aforementioned broken Thiago Silva. It was Brentford T, Brentford.
Mumin scored for Rayo and a shockingly low number of people engaged with this tweet (Sid has nearly half a million followers!)
One this I will say for United, this looked fantastic and was a lovely tribute.
An on brand entry for Japan’s “Mundane Halloween”
I don’t have the time or space to talk about every game but it really was a wild one on mainland Europe. This result put Ajax at the bottom of the Eredivisie and they couldn’t even be comforted by European success as Brighton had beaten them on Thursday.
So many teams and accounts have posted their versions of this but who doesn’t want to see Gunnersaurus?
Shirt of the Week
I have, it has to be said, been bullied into including this week’s entries. I normally like to showcase new releases, certainly shirts from the current season. But no, my love of black jerseys has been manipulated and used against me in order to make a pair of shirts that are truly beautiful.
Scandinavian football isn’t something I touch on much here but having been introduced to AIK Fotball I may need to pay better attention. For a start, look at the club badge, a stunner
But more importantly for this section they like to produce beautiful jerseys too.
This is their 2021 anniversary shirt and it’s just gorgeous. Clean, classy and black. A winning combo.
And here they are teaching us a lesson that yes, white kits can be interesting, with their outstanding 2023 anniversary effort. I may have to eat my words here because despite my stance on black jerseys this is my favourite. I mean just look at it!
Thirst Trap
I’m actually surprised I haven’t included this week’s thirst trap already.
If you’re an eyes person then this guy is for you but also, take a moment to look at his lips, his bone structure. He’s a beautiful guy. And adding fuel to the speculation that I’ve got a thing for Argentinians.
I give you, Leandro Paredes.
And that’s all we have time for this week, tune in next week where… wait, this is a newsletter. Thank for you reading, for getting me to 1200 subs, for giving me a fun weekly activity to occupy me.
I wish you all a wonderful week, I hope you can do whatever you need to to avoid any of the awful news we’re experiencing right now. Keep being loud but take whatever time you need away from it too. It’s fine, I promise.
Until next Monday then, adieu! x