I Should Be So Loki
I Should Be So Loki
Just... sorry. Sorry about the title. I'm trying to delete...
The Week In Ball
In football we talk a lot about chaos. There are chaos fixtures, chaos players, chaos leagues, managers and national teams. We have periods where chaos rules and periods where she (yes she) lays dormant, where results are as expected, players and managers behave and the league looks normal.
This weekend however seemed to be something beyond that. Khaos has relinquished her responsibilities and passed them to Prometheus, to Loki and the Monkey King. Tricksters all who move among us causing havoc while shapeshifting and stealing fire.
Perhaps the greatest proponent of these characteristics this weekend was Tottenham Hotspur. Mere hours before their game against City they were a team in crisis. Conte gave an interview to Sky Italia that didn't go down well. Their last three league games had ended in defeat, not by huge margins but their performances were poor. The new signings seemed mediocre, the existing squad seemed lacklustre and unable to adapt. People were seriously discussing whether Conte would last the season, or if he did, whether he'd leave in the Summer.
Then, after four minutes of play at the Etihad, City's back line opened like the Red Sea parting for Moses, Son was through, though had defenders around him, so selflessly passed to new boy Dejan Kulusevski to slide the ball nonchalantly into an empty net.
OK, we all thought, this is City, it's been four minutes. Nothing to see here. And we were right, with Gundogan equalising after 33 minutes. There we go. Only something was wrong, City felt off. They were, even that early, getting nervous. Spurs were organised, calm and they waited. If you look at the stats from the match without knowing the final score you'd never in a million years believe it.
After half time you felt sure that Pep would make a change or do something to pull it back. Sadly for City and despite recent form, Harry Kane shapeshifted into a competent striker and after 59 minutes he got on the end of a beautiful pass from Son and slotted the ball home.
At this point the my timeline was a mess. United fans supporting City, Liverpool fans supporting Spurs, Arsenal fans with partners who support Liverpool (me) not knowing what to do and feeling fully larrydavidconfused.gif. Not to worry though, because at the death City got a penalty, a draw would be fine right? Can't argue with that, everyone gets something.
If you could hear distant chuckling and feel something in the air at this point you weren't wrong. The mischief makers were in Manchester and they were about to do their worst. At 90+5 (bearing in mind the penalty had been scored at 90+2) Kulusevski played in a cross that Kane again got on the end of with a bullet header. Now I'm not saying the title race is being hard fought this year but I have never heard my husband make a noise like he did when that went in. Not at the short corner, not at Alisson's header, not when beating City themselves. I also know he wasn't the only Red to explode at that point. Liverpool are now six points behind City with a game in hand and they have to play each other.
So no, the title race isn't over, the trickster gods have seen to that and I'm sure they're somewhere laughing right now.
The other team to be touched by the deities this weekend were Burnley. I don't talk much about Burnley, I don't really like them or think they have (or should that be had) any memorable players, I know the team aren't like this but their fanbase has an unpleasant vibe and they're just kinda there. Hanging out in the lower end of the table waiting to provide you with your dullest games of the season, like being forced to spend 90 minutes with the priest with the boring voice from Father Ted.
Not this week though. This week they turned over the cultured, forward thinking, neutrals fave Brighton with their cuddly 'call me Graham we're all friends here' high school teacher vibes manager.
This was another game with mismatched stats. Burnley scored their three goals, including a first Premier League goal for new signing Wout Weghorst, previously so prolific for Wolfsburg, from an xG of 0.82. They had 31% possession, completed less than half the number of passes as Brighton and of those only 62% were accurate. And yet. AND YET. If you were sceptical about my assertion of godly intervention, this my friends is proof.
I can tell you are still sceptical though, despite my exemplary evidence, so how about the Roses Derby. Leeds United v. Manchester United. A team not quite matching their previous season's form against a team plagued with rumour and inconsistency. A game played in the pouring rain where every kick of the ball made it look like the Back for Good video.
To start, if you don't believe in the actions of mythological deities then you must believe in the Narrative Gods, for it was they who influenced the first goal, giving Harry Maguire the chance to silence his critics and head the ball into Leeds' net for the lead. This lead was doubled by Bruno on the stroke of half time. All very routine.
However the second half is surely proof that the tricksters were in residence. After failing to start the game with Raphinha, arguably Bielsa's best player, he was subbed on at the break and after nine minutes and a gap between them of 24 seconds, he'd helped Leeds equalise and really set the cat among the pigeons. Would this be a classic United second half crumble? Would all the teams in and around the fight for European places be rewarded with a Leeds win?
No. No, of course not. The far more, dare I say it, chaotic result was United pulling it back with goals from Fred (as if Loki would have it any other way) and Anthony Elanga, who ran to the home fans in defiance after being hit on the head with a coin not long after coming on.
To take a brief sweep across the rest of the Premier League: Everton's new manager bounce came to an end at the hands of Southampton; Arsenal got their revenge on Brentford and delightfully changed their win music to Status Quo's Rockin' All Over The World in tribute to the Saka and Smith Rowe chant (shout out to Saka for scoring); West Ham and Newcastle ground out a tedious draw; Watford unexpectedly beat Aston Villa; Chelsea won via a Ziyech goal and finally Wolves got the upper hand against Leicester and saw Pedro Neto back on the pitch after ten months.
And so to Europe...
Let's start with the Bundesliga which kicked off on Friday with a back and forth game between Mainz and Leverkusen which ended in a 3-2 win for Mainz. I saw a couple of tweets during the game about Mainz's defence and until very late on it looked like they were going to suffer from this, however they managed to pull it back and with two goals in quick succession (though not Leeds-quick) they came out victorious. Given my running theme here I don't think we can call it a coincidence that they were wearing the Carnival clown kit this weekend...
Saturday's games were... dull. They epitomised what I was talking about at the beginning of this section where everything is very calm and expected. Nothing to see here, move along. Sunday though? It wasn't only the Premier League affected by the deities' meddling.
Firstly, Bayern dispatched bottom club Greuther Fürth but not before going behind to an opening goal close to half time. Lewandowski, of course, got the equaliser just after half time and that, sadly, was that with a further three goals to come, leaving Fürth in the mire.
Then, in the battle of the Borussias, Dortmund took on Gladbach and walloped them 6-0 with five different goal scorers and a brace from my bae Marco Reus. Of course I decided against watching this didn't I? However, in a shock move I've discovered the full game available on NOW so I'm going to watch it while I finish this. (As an aside why the fuck couldn't they have done this on Thursday against Rangers???)
Another game I watched on catch up was Valencia v. Barcelona, there was no way I was going to miss my beloved Auba's first goal, brace and eventual hattrick for his new team. Barcelona, despite all their wonderful pieces and the strength of their young players, are really the personification of chaos, you really don't know what you're going to get from game to game. Luckily this was Good Barça with a sterling (and sturdy!) performance by Gavi, Auba slotting in nicely in a sort of fox in the box role and Jordi Alba again making some beautiful passes, including his assist for Auba's first.
Of course I can't move on without talking about Auba's third goal. Pedri, brought on midway through the second half by Xavi, was initially credited with the goal after scoring from a beautiful long shot for Barça's fourth, putting it over a crouched Auba. However, what was noticeable was that the ball appeared to skim over and be deflected by Auba's back and La Liga ran with it, awarding him the goal some time after the game.
Finally, we go to Italy where Milan, despite only drawing with bottom club Salernitana, are still on top of Serie A, two points clear of Inter who fell to Sassuolo and the in-form Scamacca. The spanner in the works here is that Napoli play Cagliari tonight so by the time you read this they may have jumped to the top spot on goal difference.
Of course it wouldn't be a weekend in Serie A without shenanigans from José Mourinho. It came after Roma were leading Verona 2-0, only to be pegged back to 2-2 leading to him expressing his displeasure at the standard of refereeing along with making a 'telephone' gesture. He was sent off by the referee.
As reported on joe.co.uk
The gesture related to the official's father - Pierluigi - who was the Italian vice chairman of UEFA referees committee during the 2006 match fixing scandal.
As reported by La Stampa, Mourinho also made another reference to the Calciopoli scandal as he accused Pairetto of 'being sent by Juventus'.
After receiving his marching orders, the former Chelsea boss booted the ball away in frustration. He then had to be restrained by goalkeeping coach Nuno Santos as he continued to vent at the referee.
And that seems like the perfect way to end this section and wrap up the chaos, trickster, havoc bringing theme. Until next time!
Kick Off
On Sunday, during the Leeds v Man Utd game, Robin Koch suffered a head injury following a collision with Scott McTominay. Initially he seemed OK, bar the fact he was bleeding (and faces notoriously bleed much more than other areas of the body for the size of cut) so he was bandaged up and carried on playing. It soon became clear however that he wasn't right, that it was more than just a surface wound and he was taken off.
Bielsa has subsequently claimed that it was the fact he was bleeding that caused him to have to come off but anyone watching it unfold could see that Koch was clearly dazed and unsteady on his feet.
The defensiveness from Bielsa is perhaps understandable. No-one wants to admit they didn't treat their player with the correct care and firm hand often needed in these situations, but equally if we're not insisting on proper assessment of the player and just give them a once over on field and they claim they're OK, what can you do?
Which brings us to this week's topic: concussion substitutes.
Concussion substitutes are something former footballers, families of former footballers and many others have been campaigning for for years. Just over a year ago they were introduced into the English game and work as follows:
After a head injury "If there are clear symptoms of concussion, or the video provides clear evidence of concussion, the team will be permitted to apply to replace the player with an additional permanent concussion substitution [APCS]."
Each team is allowed two additional permanent concussion substitutes. For every APCS used, the opposing team is allowed an additional normal substitute. You could therefore end up in the completely unlikely situation where both teams use both APCS and thus end up with a maximum possible seven subs. You can read the full rules here.
What's interesting given this, and more specifically the below guideline, is that Koch was substituted 'normally'. After what was clearly a head injury and seemed to most observers to have clearly affected Koch after the fact, he was not removed using this protocol is baffling. I would hope, expect, that the medical staff are properly trained in what to do and that the pitchside staff understand what their options are so why do we continue to see this?
"If there are no clear immediate symptoms of concussion, nor does the video provide clear evidence of concussion, the player will be allowed to continue but will be continually observed during play by his medical staff.
If clear concussion symptoms evolve, he will be replaced through the procedures outlined above."
One suggestion, which seems fair, although perhaps slightly disruptive to gameplay (though player welfare is the priority), is to have temporary concussion subs whereby you can send on a player so that the injured party can be properly assessed. The PFA have today made a statement following the incident yesterday and they're quite clear on this:
“The ‘if in doubt, sit them out’ protocol is not being applied consistently within the pressurised environment of elite competitive football.
We see frequent incidents of players returning to play with a potential brain injury, only to be removed shortly afterwards once symptoms visibly worsen.
As the representative voice of players in England, we have been clear to the IFAB that we want to see the introduction of temporary concussion substitutes,” the PFA continued.
Temporary concussion substitutes will allow medical teams additional time and an appropriate environment to make an initial assessment.
Introducing temporary substitutes would allow a match to restart with neither side numerically disadvantaged, reducing pressure on players and medical teams to make quick decisions on whether an injured player continues.
Put simply, the current rules set by the IFAB are not working, and players are being put at risk.”
We saw at AFCON that Sadio Mane suffered a horrendous head injury, played on and even scored before having to go to hospital. He was then played in the next game. In 2020 we all saw, indeed heard, the impact when Raúl Jimenez clashed heads with David Luiz, ending his season. He's back now and he still heads the ball. Should he?
While small steps seem to be being taken around this, I know up to a certain age now you can't head the ball (I think? Feel free to fact check me on that) and we do have those permanent concussion subs, it still feels like there's a long way to go before we're properly protecting players.
Football 'eritage
Following on from the more serious side of concussion, this week's Football 'eritage is perhaps the most famous and iconic example of a head wound.
Yes, this week we're talking about Terry Butcher.
Normally I'd add in a picture here but let's be honest, it's pretty grim and I know of no way of hiding it for anyone who doesn't like blood, so instead here's a link to a google search of the incident, please don't click if you don't like bloody injuries!
Here is a summation of what happened, via his Wikipedia page
While playing for England in a vital World Cup qualifier against Sweden in Stockholm on 6 September 1989, Butcher suffered a deep cut to his forehead early in the game. Butcher had some impromptu stitches inserted by the physiotherapist and, swathed in bandages, continued playing. His constant heading of the ball – unavoidable when playing in the centre of defence – disintegrated the bandages and reopened the cut to the extent that his white England shirt was red with blood by the end of the game. The image is regarded as iconic.
Along with many other footballers, Chris Sutton is a notable example, Butcher has now called for heading to eventually be outlawed from the game due to its links to dementia and other brain damage.
The {Offside} Thirst Trap
This week I was totally uninspired. I have a list (because of course I do...it's actually a column on a spreadsheet I keep with newsletter stuff on...) but I wasn't feeling the pull of anyone in particular until watching Wolves v. Leicester when the be-headbanded Raúl Jimenez caught my eye.
As you can tell the running theme of this issue is tricksters and imps and mischief makers and let me tell you, Jimenez pulled the biggest trick on me by situating himself firmly in my brain as a short king. Was I making an unfair assumption about his height because he's Mexican? Had I never seen him stood next to his colleagues? I don't know.
Anyway I was wrong. He's 6'3"! He is TALL. He is also super cute. Look at his dimples when he smiles. Picture him hugging Daniel Podence (who is 5'5", smaller than me) like he did after he scored on Sunday and try not to laugh. Read anything about his head injury (just to tie in with the earlier sections of the newsletter) and try not to cry and then be delighted that he's playing at this level again and playing well.
He is, unfortunately, like a fair number of people I consider for this and my occasional 'hottest player' threads who isn't as hot in photos as he is on screen but if you've never closely watched him before trust me. He's gorgeous.
Merch Stand
It's Carnival again in Germany, only not in Cologne this time but Mainz! They wore their Carnival kit at the weekend and were rewarded with a narrow win against Leverkusen.
Please also enjoy this tweet from must follow Classic Football Shirts
A lovely joke which you're just going to have to click on to make it make sense
I was extremely sad to hear of the death of Joey Beauchamp at just 50 years old. A former Oxford United legend who played for Swindon for a year where I adored him. I remember his name was always on the sports reports on the local ITV's Central news during the 90s. My condolences go out to his friends and family and I hope he rests in peace.
Extra Time
Jack Wilshere has finally found a club. He's moving to Danish Superliga side Aarhus Gymnastikforening until the end of the season and it was announced thus:
An extremely Italian thing
You want chaos? I'll give you chaos...
This from Harry Maguire was pretty funny (if you haven't seen this play out look closely at the first tweet, just to the right of Harry's right shoulder). As I tweeted we all know that most United players don't do their own social media, but this seemed to have a good streak of personality to it and I do love the idea of Harry squinting at his phone, carefully photoshopping his mate's head out of another photo.
That's all from me this week. Don't forget there's more European action this week and the Carabao Cup Final on Sunday, meaning another glorious Arsenal free weekend, aaah, lovely :)
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