It's The End of the Season As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
It's The End of the Season As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
aka It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad Season
Well, this really is it, the season is over. And what a season it’s been. One of the most chaotic, emotional, exhilarating and heartbreaking I can remember. I’ve genuinely never known feelings like those I felt this season, whether they be giddy highs, crushing lows, anger, grief and on the other side love, they’ve all been there.
So how on Earth do we begin to process it all? How about… like this:
August
The Premier League season began on the 5th August. Earlier than normal to accommodate a Winter World Cup.
It also saw the 30th Anniversary of the Premier League (nee Premiership) and to celebrate, I did a shirt review of the first season which you can see here.
Arsenal opened the 30th season on the Friday, playing Crystal Palace, in their beautiful pink kit. This displeased rent-a-gob Alan Sugar who queried whether ‘Ian Wright would have played in pink”. So on MOTD that Saturday Wrighty wore this:
August also saw the debut of All or Nothing: Arsenal, which I find wild. That was this season? It brought us some great moments and completed the rehabilitation of Granit Xhaka but I think what we all remember the most is Heart and Brain ❤️🧠
Perhaps the most iconic moment of maybe the entire season happened in just the second week of the season, yes, the Royal Rumble between Conte and Tuchel at the Tottenham Hotspur stadium after a feisty game that ended 2-2.
We also had a portent to Chelsea’s season with losses to two eventually relegated clubs, Leeds and Southampton, whereas Manchester United, beaten soundly by Brighton and Brentford, used their losses as motivation for their eventual season ending position.
August also saw the biggest win of the season when Liverpool tonked Bournemouth 9-0 and gifted us the first managerial casualty of the season, Scott “Cardigan” Parker
Thirst Trap of the Month - Darwin Nuñez
September
In September we lost a great. It was a shock but perhaps we should have seen it coming.
On Wednesday 7th September Thomas Tuchel was sacked by Chelsea. RIP to a real one.
The next day the Queen decided that 96 years was quite long enough to live thank you and died. Arsenal, who were playing Zurich in a Europa League tie, played the first half under a Queen and the second under a King.
We then had the spectacle of Manchester United playing Sociedad while BT tried to be solemn and respect the death of the monarch. It was weird. Very fucking weird.
UK football at all levels was then suspended for the weekend which was an utter joke to be quite honest with you and the knock on effect was still being felt by the end of the season (on some level I blame her for Arsenal’s season and not playing City in the first half).
On the same day, Graham Potter was announced as the new Chelsea boss (it felt like it took longer right? Or was that just me?). His villain arc began.
We also saw Stormzy release Mel Made Me Do It with an incredible accompanying video featuring… Jose Mourinho.
And Ian Wright looking spectacular
September was also my first trip to the Emirates to watch the Women’s North London derby which Arsenal won 4-0 😎 It was amazing.
Thirst Trap of the Month - Rafaelle
October
October started with Arsenal men following the women’s victory by winning their North London derby too.
It also saw Wolves and Forest play each other, with embarrassing social media consequences for Forest who lost.
I’ve been looking through my photos and old newsletters and although it seems like stuff did happen I can’t recall much?! So why not read this bumper issue from the time instead.
One thing I do remember, sort of, is that October saw the sackings of both Stephen Gerrard and Bruno Lage, both of whom were replaced by La Liga managers in Unai Emery and Julen Lopetegui.
Thirst Trap of the Month - Bruno Guimarães
November & December
November and December were odd months, straddled as they were by the World Cup.
There were a few games before and after but the best moment was when this king emerged in the Chelsea end at Chelsea Arsenal.
As for the World Cup, so much has been said already about it and it’s a tricky one for me as the final was marred by a self inflicted incident that meant I couldn’t do my favourite football activity: tweet along and that has left me with a weird feeling whenever I think about it, plus the whole difficult atmosphere around the politics and morals of the tournament and of course Grant Wahl’s sudden and untimely passing.
However we did see some fantastic football (eventually), some incredible moments (Morocco full stop, Saudi beating Argentina, Weghorst’s amazing free kick goal, Richarlison’s wonder goal) and I had some fun watching games in the pub, which was actually quite nice with it also being Christmassy! Here are a few bits:
Some incredible photos were taken, I threaded my faves here.
I reviewed all the kits here. There was an obvious winner which didn’t even get worn.
I also did my customary Hot List but we were treated to some extras too:
Of course we also got this wonderful trio, all on the same day!
In the end, Argentina won on penalties against France after a thrilling final, and sealed, without any shadow of a doubt in my mind, that Messi is the current GOAT
Thirst Trap of the Month - Rodrigo de Paul
January
January then. FA Cup heavy, cold, grim but also my birthday month! So not all bad 😎
Another North London Derby, at the Tottenham Hotspur stadium. Another convincing win for Arsenal but this time there were Shenanigans when a Spurs fan decided it’d be cool to jump from the crowd and assault Aaron Ramsdale who’d been having a set to with Richarlison. After it kicked off Arteta realised that Granit wasn’t accounted for…
It was also time for my second favourite fan of the season to make himself known.
Then of course there was our win over United at the Emirates with a 90th minute Eddie Nketiah goal.
Other than that January was mostly FA Cup and being in a bit of a depressive funk, so I think we’ll leave this month where it is!
Thirst Trap of the Month - Lisandro Martinez
February
February was a silly month.
Firstly Arsenal beat Aston Villa 2-4 but we didn’t just beat them, we did it in a ridiculous fashion. After going behind twice we then equalised via a Zinchenko banger (at which he seemed furious)
We then took the lead via the head of Emi Martinez and I’m not sure I’ve ever shrieked and cackled so much in all my life
It was then sealed by a blunder after Emi came up for a Villa corner and left an open goal for Gabriel Martinelli to slot home into.
And at some point in the game, this happened (ok it literally shows when it happened on the gif, shut up)
On the same day Liverpool beat Newcastle, in part due to Nick Pope getting a rush of blood to the head and handling the ball outside the area. He then took it out on Trippier for some reason…
Thirst Trap of the Month - Enzo Fernández
March
March started for me with a bang as I went to my first men’s game at the Emirates and saw my boys beat Everton 4-0. It was incredible and I loved every single second of it.
I was back two weeks later to see us go out of the Europa League at the hands of Sporting Lisbon. Again it was unreal and I had an amazing time. I saw Lahoz reffing, a goal from my beloved Granit and I witnessed that incredible strike from Gonçalves.
In between these two events the Greatest Game of the Season™️ happened when Arsenal took on Bournemouth on Saturday 4th March.
After Bournemouth scored directly from kick off, before the BT Sport Score crew had even confirmed the teams or done any preamble it seemed destined to be one of those weekends.
But no! A saviour was waiting in the wings and his name was Reiss Nelson.
Having managed to get two goals to draw level, on 90+7 a corner came in and he leathered it home. There’s only one thing to describe what came next: PANDEMONIUM. There was a random kid, players fell to the floor, Aaron Ramsdale appeared in shot out of nowhere. Everybody screamed. I’ll never forget it.
If you want to see how the world reacted, this thread is GLORIOUS.
But that wasn’t to be the only tasty treat of that weekend. On Sunday 5th March Liverpool played Manchester United at Anfield. If you want to read about it and all the action of that weekend, I suggest you read Se7en, the TWUTAB from that weekend and perhaps the best one from this whole season if I do say so myself.
March also saw a day without any football coverage on the BBC after Gary Lineker was suspended for some fairly tame comments about the government’s rhetoric on migrants.
Again, you may prefer to read my edition from that week which covers it all in more detail.
Thirst Trap of the Month - Martin Ødegaard
April
April huh. April was a dark month for Arsenal fans. Draw after draw after draw; the boys were tired, I was tired. It just wasn’t working anymore.
It was a month of goals goals goals though with exactly 200 scored in the Premier League, starting with Man City’s 4-1 win over Arsenal and ending with the amazing 4-3 win by Liverpool over Spurs, which saw Spurs equalise via Richarlison, only for Jota to run down the other end and score immediately. It also saw Klopp injure himself…
In between this we saw Newcastle tonk West Ham 5-1 and then better it by tonking Spurs 6-1. Not only was this an incredible win, they were five goals up in twenty minutes, including a super strike from Jacob Murphy who instantly went into the Meme Hall of Fame.
We also saw Palace beat Leeds 5-1, Liverpool batter, um, Leeds 6-1 and Brighton beat Wolves 6-0 with a pass from find of the season Julio Enciso which still makes me swoon. Then of course there were high scoring games with tighter margins, we’ve mentioned Liverpool Spurs but don’t forget Palace West Ham’s 4-3 Saturday early kick off thriller or the madness of Arsenal Southampton.
And let’s also not forget that April saw Frank “Super Frankie” Lampard return to Chelsea as interim manager after Graham Potter’s sacking.
Thirst Trap of the Month - Fabian Schär
May
May started off better for Arsenal with a 3-1 win over an unbelievably bad Chelsea team, it was such a relief after the draws of May and while frankly, hope was gone by that point there was still the tiniest glimmer that maybe… just maybe, especially after a glorious performance against Newcastle the weekend after, which saw us win 2-0.
Unfortunately just a week later we were done in at home by a fabulous Brighton performance and I couldn’t be mad because Brighton are just so very likeable.
It was possibly helped by them getting a taste of their own medicine on either side as the week before Everton had smashed them 5-1 and then just five days later Newcastle beat them 4-1.
Most of the leagues shook out as you would expect them to by the end of the month, with the obvious winners winning, but it was of course fantastic to see Napoli crowned Scudetto champions again after 33 years.
Some of the best action of May came in the lower leagues.
After treating us to an amazing match on Easter Monday against title rivals Notts County, Wrexham upped the ante with a wonderful win against Borehamwood to secure the Vanarama and promotion to the Football League.
Hollywood ending or not, you’d need a heart of stone to begrudge them.
Then came the football league playoffs. Vying to get into the Championship were Peterborough and Sheffield Wednesday. Peterborough were on course to get to the playoff final at Wembley after beating Wednesday 4-0. However, comebacks in football happen but none so astonishing as the comeback Sheffield Wednesday achieved at Hillsborough in the second leg. An (aggregate) equaliser in the 98th minute of normal time took the game to extra time, in which they scored an own goal but then equalised again to take it to penalties, which they also won. It was the most exciting game I’ve seen this year, and I only tuned in on 80 minutes. They then went on to win the playoff final and it was just a truly beautiful scene to see Darren Moore winning.
The promotion of Luton Town to the Premier League was also beautiful for other reasons, after captain Tom Lockyer collapsed in the first half and had to be rushed to hospital. The way that all the players and the manager cared about was how he was showed what a tight unit they are.
It also saw the first player to be promoted from non-league to Premier League with the same club: Pelly-Ruddock Mpanzu.
The end of the season also saw the awarding of Goal of the Season and it was deservedly won both on the Premier League and MOTD’s vote by Julio Enciso’s strike against City, which was just spectacular. As I said earlier, I think Enciso is fantastic and frankly he only scores bangers!
Thirst Trap of the Month - Granit Xhaka
I’m going to miss him. I’m going to miss him so much 💔
And so let’s round up the winners and losers of 2022/2023
Premier League
Champions: Manchester City
Relegated: Leeds, Leicester, Southampton
Promoted: Burnley, Sheffield United, Luton Town
Bundesliga
Champions: Bayern Munich
Relegated: Schalke 05, Hertha Berlin. VfB Stuttgart won the relegation playoff to remain in the Bundesliga
Promoted: Heldenheim, Darmstadt.
Serie A
Champions: Napoli
Relegated: Spezia (following a playoff with Verona), Cremonese, Sampdoria
Promoted: Frosinone, Genoa, Cagliari
La Liga
Champions: Barcelona
Relegated: Valladolid, Espanyol, Elche
Promoted: Granada, Las Palmas, Levante or Alavés (second leg of the playoff is on Saturday)
Ligue 1
Champions: PSG
Relegated: Auxerre, Ajaccio, Troyes, Angers
Promoted: no-one. Ligue 1 is reducing in size
WSL
Champions: Chelsea
Relegated: Reading
Promoted: Bristol City
June
Trophy Season
[OK so the Europa League Final was on the 31st May but it fits with the rest of this so just ignore that for a moment please!]
Europa League
Sevilla v Roma. The side who’d never lost a UEL final and who basically own the trophy, versus the man who’d never personally lost any European final he’d managed. The unstoppable force v. the immoveable object.
It was a poor game, cagey, antagonistic, full of “the dark arts” and just plain shitty behaviour. It ended 1-1 aet and gave us what every girl wants: penalties.
There were ugly scenes when José confronted Anthony Taylor, who reffed the final, after the game and the next day when Taylor was leaving Budapest and angry Roma fans hassled him and his family at the airport.
José is a character I adore and his antics are often amusing but he also often takes it too far and while it’s likely the Roma fans would have confronted him anyway (because football fans) he’s created a really unpleasant situation that emboldens that behaviour.
Women’s Champions League
The next big trophy to be contested was the UWCL between Wolfsburg and Barcelona.
The game started with two goals to Wolfsburg. A shock, sort of, given that Barça fucked it last year against Lyon too, but they prevailed, as they often do, and ran out 2-3 winners.
Europa Conference League
Wednesday 7th June was my Dad’s 70th birthday. He’s also a West Ham “fan” (they are his team but he’s not particularly into football anymore).
It was also the Europa Conference League Final between Fiorentina and the aforementioned West Ham.
It was quite literally a game of two halves. The first half was boring, tense, defensive, marred by Cristiano Biraghi being injured by a missile thrown by West Ham fans.
The second half kicked into action and was much more interesting and tense in a good way. West Ham took the lead on the 62nd minute via a very sexy penalty taken by the very sexy Saïd Benrahma, only for Fiorentina to equalise just five minutes later.
It seemed like it was nailed on for there to be extra time and even penalties when up popped Jarrod Bowen in the 90th minute to score the winner and end the Hammers’ 40 year trophy drought.
I’m also going give Saïd Benrahma June’s Thirst Trap of the Month for his banger penalty
Champions League
Manchester City beat Inter Milan 1-0 to finally secure the Champions League and win the treble 👍🏻
This is all I’m going to say on that subject:
And that was the season that was. I know there’s so much I’ve missed, so many funny tweets, funny incidents, I’ve not really spoken about the European leagues except to confirm winners and losers, haven’t mentioned any domestic trophies here or in Europe, or really spoken about the managerial merry go round and everything associated with that. I’ve also purposely left out some of the issues that have come up this season, from violence against women to racism to homophobia.
As you know I touch on all of these things on a weekly basis and having spent literally weeks gathering everything for this particular newsletter and in general spending lots of time each week thinking about it and putting it together, I’ve decided to add a paid option. Free subscribers won’t miss out on the weekly newsletter, I want that to be free always, but I’ll possibly send more specific newsletters on occasion, more conceptual stuff, more fun stuff! I’ve yet to iron out the details, I just think that given the following I’ve achieved it seems like now is the time to introduce this.
I’m not expecting a huge take up and I’m keeping it low cost (well, as low as I possibly could, I wanted it to be £2 but the minimum is £3.50😒) for all the reasons above, consider this more a gesture of support if you like but of course, no obligation nor fear of missing out, I’ll be massively grateful to anyone who signs up and if you don’t, that’s also cool, it’s just fantastic to get support via subscribers regardless, so THANK YOU.
I’m going to take a break for a bit, maybe until July when I’m off to the US for ten days to watch lots of football, perhaps I’ll send something out beforehand, maybe some subscriber only content! Until then, enjoy your Summer/Winter wherever you are and I’ll see you soon!
And remember x 💪🏼🔴⚪️