"Pass!" the Dutchie
The Week In Ball
Where to begin. WHERE TO BEGIN.
In a weekend where Serie A and La Liga joined the league party the Premier League has kept up its nonsense with two highly entertaining, highly memeable games that I feel we need to address first.
So let's go chronologically. After a fairly poor game (excluding the last three minutes plus stoppage time) Villa got a home win against Everton who, technically, didn't even manage to score a goal.
During the three o'clocks we had two teams, the top two in the table (*sunglasses emoji*), scoring four goals. Yes OK so Arsenal conceded two as well, including a brilliant, had it been at the other end, own goal by William Saliba but they're looking solid, not crumbling when conceding and Jesus is a wonder. City? Well let's face it they were a. playing Bournemouth and b. they're City. What else is there to say about that?
So then it was time for the 5:30 kick off. Brentford v. Manchester United. United on the back of a home defeat to Brighton, Brentford an away draw that saw them come back from 2-0 down.
There was one change for United, Ronaldo for McTominay, with Ten Hag opting to keep Martinez in the back line despite the known height of the Brentford side.
It started... badly for United.
After ten minutes Josh Da Silva scored after a pretty appalling mistake by De Gea. Things didn't improve after that with Jensen scoring on 18 minutes, Mee on 30 and Mbuemo on 35.
Now there's nothing behind this next statement other than a feeling but I can't help but think that you're either a really great team (example, City) or your opponent is really bad (this match) when you have several different goalscorers, especially when some of them are entirely out of position yet still manage to bag a goal.
Somehow, after a halftime shuffle of players, United managed to keep any further goals from going in but it's clear to a layperson like me, let alone people who follow United or the stats or even read the press more than I, that something's wrong in that dressing room.
After the game, De Gea insisted on speaking to the press and fell on his sword. I like De Gea, I feel like he's good vibes and I didn't think he needed to do this. Yes, his performance could've been much much better but the whole team, even my darling Eriksen who got the ball tangled in his feet then stolen for one of the goals, should be blamed.
One thing you can guarantee from a United drubbing however is a fully, um, united Twitter timeline. Fans who'd never normally agree with each other come together in pure glee and while I know the pain of a shit start to the season I'm afraid it is very very funny and makes for a truly enhanced viewing experience.
Onto Sunday then. We started with a blistering game between Nottingham Forest and West Ham. Forest's first home Premier League game for 23 years.
I'd been led to believe that Forest were boring, defensive and ground out results. At a glance, a 1-0 win, you may think this was the case here but no, it was end to end stuff with some really entertaining football on display. Neco Williams was particularly impressive down the wing I thought, putting in great balls and coming close to scoring a couple of times. In the end it was a scruffy goal from Awoniyi that sealed it and proved that he was indeed a good buy from Union Berlin. (Also as an aside I love that Forest don't have a shirt sponsor yet, their shirts look great.)
So now we hit the highlight of the weekend. Chelsea v. Spurs at Stamford Bridge. A famously feisty fixture which ended in a fight, Gus Hiddink being pushed over in the tunnel and Leicester being handed the title in 2016 in a match dubbed 'The Battle of the Bridge'.
Would we see anything similar in this match? In short, yes, yes we would.
I've just looked up the details of the game and I'm astonished to see that the first goal was so early. I feel like it was an OK kind of match, just rattling along but nothing special for much longer than 19 minutes. I shan't argue with the facts though and instead mention just how brilliant Koulibaly's strike to put Chelsea ahead was.
A corner from fellow newbie Cucurella went into an entirely unmarked Koulibaly who volleyed it clean and true into the net. A really beautiful goal.
Going to do a swift MOTD style cut here to the 68th minute when Hojbjerg scored to level it for Spurs. With apologies to Spurs fans, I cannot remember this goal at all and I don't have the time to check it out. (Alright I was looking for something else and found it, it's a great goal)
Things got heated after this when Conte ran over to the Chelsea bench and caused a melee and from then on the match was the tetchy affair we all expected.
Nine minutes later Chelsea took the lead again via a lovely Reece James goal that I do remember, mainly because I saw it posted early this morning. Feast on this.
After that things got even more heated when Tuchel repaid Conte the compliment of running past the Spurs bench to celebrate.
The game wasn't over though. After a foul by Romero on Cucurella was controversially ignored, Spurs equalised after Harry Kane nodded in a corner.
I'll leave you with the post whistle scenes. Yes we do want to see them and no they aren't disgraceful.
I've yet to find my groove/timetabling with the European leagues yet so let's wrap up this section with a quick whizz around them.
In Germany it was a weekend of draws with only Dortmund, Hoffenheim, Augsburg and Bayern prevailing. Bayern remain top, above Dortmund because of their superior goal difference.
France saw similar scenes with a number of 0, 1 or 2 goal drawers with high scoring wins from PSG who took Montpellier down 5-2, last year's promotees Clermont Foot beating Reims 2-4 and new boys Toulouse winning away to Troyes 0-3. Predictably this leaves PSG top and the only team to win both their opening games.
La Liga joined the fun this weekend and currently Villarreal sit atop the table having won 0-3 at Valladolid. Valencia and Osasuna also won, along with Real after the scare of going down 1-0 to freshly promoted Almeria after six minutes. Barcelona failed to capitalise on managing to register everyone but Jules Kounde, limping to a drab 0-0 against Rayo Vallecano on Saturday and leaving Lewandowski without an opening weekend goal for the first time in eight seasons. Three matches are still to play, with those kicking off this afternoon and evening.
Finally Serie A opened with no draws and Milan back at the top after their triumphant 21/22 season. As is to be expected there were three red cards across the games, including two in Lazio Bologna. Never change Serie A.
And on that we complete the round up of the weekend's games.
Kick Off
CN for this section: police brutality, racism
I don't talk about racism a huge amount here. As a white person who tries hard to be a decent ally I feel like I can call it out and lobby for change, but when it comes to what it's like to experience racism, this is clearly not my area of expertise. Nor should I be putting words into the mouth of any person of colour about what it's like and what I think does and does not constitute racism.
However, I've been made aware that today not only marks the 30th anniversary of the start of the Premier League (see below), it also marks the 6th anniversary of the untimely and brutal death of Premier League footballer Dalian Atkinson at the hands of West Mercia officer Benjamin Monk, who not only tasered him but then kicked him in the head while he was down. Atkinson died just over an hour after the confrontation.
While this happening to any Black man is disgusting, the fact that it could happen to a public figure highlights the issue and makes it more shocking and real to those who don't see this kind of thing every day and don't appreciate the invasive and insidious nature of police racism and brutality.
The knee, which originated as a statement against police brutality, may now only be taken on "special" occasions, rather than before every match, but there is still a long way to go to combat racism in football and in life generally. Every day there are stories of people in the football sphere, players, managers, journalists, pundits, backroom staff, being subjected to racist abuse and we need to be alert to this and not become complacent.
It's also important that we remember that everyone is a person and not just a statistic waiting to happen. The more we can get away from solely talking about Black people through a lens of racism (while of course acknowledging the impact of it) and instead being as equally complex and interesting as white people are allowed to be, the better.
So let's remember Dalian Atkinson for who he was. A great player who plied his trade at Ipswich Town and Sheffield Wednesday before being sold to Real Sociedad to be not only their third ever foreign signing but also the first Black player in their history. On his return to the UK he joined Aston Villa, his most remembered club, where he scored 25 goals in 85 appearances, including this utterly glorious chip on this day in 1992, to give Villa their first Premier League goal.
Football 'eritage
Today is the Premier League's 30th birthday. Still a mere pup compared to the 134 year old Football League, we can no longer consider it a new kid on the block or an experiment. To many people the Premier League is English football.
In short, in order to take advantage of lucrative television deals, 22 top flight clubs broke away from the English Football League and created the FA Carling Premiership.
The rough timeline was as follows
The Founder Members Agreement, signed on 17 July 1991 by the game's top-flight clubs, established the basic principles for setting up the FA Premier League
The First Division clubs resigned en masse from the Football League in 1992, and on 27 May that year the FA Premier League was formed as a limited company.
The first game was played on 15th August 1992, the opening game of the 92/93 season with the following teams competing for the league.
The league was advertised with this now iconic, incredibly 90s, homoerotic masterpiece commercial, the clunky, unattractive players nature of which we couldn't dream of today.
When it finally kicked off, it was Sheffield United's Brian Deane who scored the opening goal, against eventual champions Manchester United.
From then on we've been treated to some iconic moments, from Cantona's karate kick, to Beckham announcing himself with a halfway line strike against Wimbledon to the Invincibles to "Agueroooooooooo" to Leicester City's shock win with countless amazing goals, controversial sendings off, madcap celebrations, underdog triumphs, massive batterings, relegation escapes and much much more besides.
We've seen amazing goalscoring records created and challenged as detailed in this fantastic moving graphic.
I've mentioned the Invincibles but there have also been other pretty lengthy unbeaten runs
If you want to see more iconic moments, managers and stats from the EPL era the Premier League Twitter has been posting numerous films or you can search using the hashtag #PL30. For those of us old enough to remember it from the start it's a real blast of nostalgia but also a chance to remind yourself that even though things have changed massively there was still skill and talent and incredible stories back then too.
It's always felt like a trite, insular thing to say that it's the best league in the world but currently, I think that it is actually true. There are absolutely good times to be had in other leagues across Europe and beyond and even in the lower tiers but right now? Yeah, the Premier League is the one.
Happy Birthday Football Association Premier League Limited, long may you continue.
The Thirst Trap
I had to triple check that I hadn't included this week's Trapee because he's such a favourite I felt certain I must've inducted him previously, however it appears not!
This is someone who I've always found handsome, you'd have to be an idiot to think otherwise quite frankly, even if he's not for you, but there have been times in my relationship to him where that wasn't enough and I've wanted him gone.
Well, this stands no more and I wear my love with pride and joy.
This week, it's Arsenal's firebrand Granit Xhaka.
I mean... come on. Look at him. Look at that top right picture especially. FUCK. When I attended the AST meeting earlier this year where he spoke eloquently on the pitfalls of social media I could barely concentrate on what he was saying he's so hot.
So despite the wait, he's here now and will be, possibly, in my top ten for a long time. Love you GX34 <3
Merch Stand
There have been a number of third kit launches this week. Manchester United's 'solar slime' number (which I don't hate but is obviously tainted by the Brentford game now), Spurs (best of their three), Brentford (nice) but I want to give a special shout out today to Norwich.
They announced their third kit last week and I absolutely love it.
Sure, it's reminiscent of a Zzapp lolly but it's also beautiful.
I'm also extremely here for the trend of matching your social media graphics to your latest shirt release. This is gorgeous.
It completes a stunning trio of shirts for the club, who on fashion alone, should storm the Championship. I also strongly believe that if these had been their shirts last season they'd have stayed up. (note: click through on the tweet, it shows all three shirts, wish Revue would preview like you see it on Twitter)
Extra Time
What with the United result and the Battle of the Bridge 2: Electric Boogaloo, there were so many memes and funny tweets around that I couldn't possibly include them all, so there are just a few I loved:
Yes, that's my own tweet. Yes it's niche-ish (won't make sense unless you've watched Arrested Development). But even if you don't find it funny please marvel at my excellent graphic design skills, achieved using the Story edit function on instagram lol.
This one in particular (above) had me YELLING
And that's that! Another week, another TWUTAB. I hope you enjoyed it, remember to tell your friends, families and local characters to sign up and if you're feeling really generous in this stupid times my Ko Fi is linked below (absolutely do not feel obliged though, I don't need it, it's just nice to feel appreciated via the medium of cash)
Until next time, au revoir!
If you really like the newsletter, please feel free to buy me a coffee: https://ko-fi.com/emilyoram, or donate via my Tip Jar on Twitter
If your bag is Footballer Instagram content and even more regular thirst traps, follow the newsletter’s Instagram on thewayutalkaboutball
And finally, if you want more real-time football nonsense and frankly all sorts of other nonsense, and you don’t already, follow me on Twitter @_emilyoram.