Saturday (and Sunday) Night's Alright (For Fighting)
Saturday (and Sunday) Night's Alright (For Fighting)
Kick Off
Writing this on a Monday is great for the leagues but does mean everything that happened in Europe midweek feels like ancient history. Do I really need to pick through Liverpool’s loss to Real Madrid, City’s demolition of RB Leipzig, Arsenal’s thrilling loss to Sporting or United cruising past Betis? Is there time to laugh at Pep for getting upset that Julia Roberts didn’t visit the Etihad when she was in Manchester?
The answer to all of those things is of course, no. Too much time has passed, too many articles written, too many tweets fired off, too many podcasts produced.
What I will say however is that we’re in the business end of all the European competitions now and for what it’s worth I’m crossing my fingers for a Napoli victory in the UCL, a Roma one in the UEL (think about it, UECL last year, UEL this year, UCL next?) and, eh, I don’t even know who’s left in the UECL.
So to the leagues then.
I’m going to start this week in Germany. unlike the “farmer’s leagues” in Italy and Spain, where the titles are pretty much wrapped up and basically have been for some time, we actually have a title race in the Bundesliga.
The top spot has bounced around four clubs so far this season if memory serves: Bayern of course, Dortmund, Freiburg and Union Berlin. Union were looking good for a long time but have dropped off in 2023, whereas Dortmund have gone on a run that now sees them top of the league by one point as we go into the International Break.
This is thanks mainly to Xabi Alonso’s Bayer Leverkusen who beat Bayern 2-1 yesterday with two Exequiel Palacios penalties to their one Joshua Kimmich goal. Looking at the stats it seems like it was a pretty evenly matched contest, but luck was smiling on Leverkusen and Dortmund.
For their part, Dortmund eviscerated one of my other Bundesliga faves, FC Köln, 6-1 at Signal Iduna Park, the Gelbe Wand no doubt playing their part. We saw braces from Haller and Reus, a true club legend, as well as there being Gueirrero and Malen goals.
This puts the race for the Meisterschale on a knife edge, with der Klassiker the next game on the schedule when the teams return from international duty. If Dortmund can win at the Allianz they’ll be four points clear with eight to play.
A quick hop over the border then to France, where Reims 19 game unbeaten run with unregistered coach Will Still came to an end. I’m going to be honest here, my only interest in Reims is Folarin Balogun and I’d missed all the Will Still chat, it only making its way onto my timeline at the end of last week. Just in time for their loss to Marseille, thanks to two goals from Alexis Sanchez who is currently sporting the most offensive moustache.
With PSG also losing to Rennes it’s hardly a title race but Marseille are now within six points of the Parisians with ten games left.
Travelling south through the alps we reach Italy, where Napoli made short work of Torino, winning 0-4 and putting them 19 points clear of nearest rivals Lazio who triumphed in the Rome Derby, beating Roma 1-0 in a feisty game that had three red cards.
Elsewhere Milan, with Zlatan back at the helm, were woeful against a battling Udinese side who beat them 3-1. They’re so sluggish and lacking in any kind of creativity and, as we will see, letting the side down when it comes to Emily’s Teams.
Yesterday (Sunday) also saw the Derby D’Italia played at San Siro with Inter hosting Juventus. The game, which ended with a bust up between both sides and saw red cards for Inter’s Danilo D’Ambrosio and Juve’s Leandro Parades, was decided by a lovely Filip Kostic goal after 23 minutes.
Our final stop on our European tour is north to Spain, where it was the Barcelona leg of El Clásico last night.
I did want to watch it, for my sins Barça are my guys in Spain (perhaps my most toxic trait?) but I simply cannot bear La Liga TV. The coverage is so bad and weird and has such an odd vibe (I swear they turn the crowd noise down to a whisper) that I opted for Serie A instead.
However, I did of course have my alerts on and my heart sank when Madrid went ahead after nine minutes thanks to an Araújo own goal. However it was brought back to parity by the beautiful Sergi Roberto scoring on the stroke of half time.
In the second half Madrid yet again scored only for it to be ruled out and then, in the dying embers of the match, Franck Kessié picked up a ball from Balde and won it for the Culers. They’re now 12 points clear at the top and La Liga looks to be theirs once more.
Last but not least we come back to England where we had a weekend of Premier League and FA Cup Quarter Final action.
On Saturday Manchester City blew Burnley and returning legend Vincent Kompany, out of the water, winning 6-0 in the Cup with yet another Haaland hattrick, a brace from Alvarez and a goal from Cole [Palmer].
Sunday’s fixtures blessed us with an incredible tie between Sheffield United and Blackburn Rovers. I only saw the second half when the score was 1-1 but it was a fast and furious game. Sammie Szmodics put Blackburn ahead on 60 minutes only for the Blades to come back into it via Oli McBurnie on the 81st minute and then win it on the 91st thanks to Tommy Doyle. They now face Manchester City at Wembley.
In the third tie, Brighton eased past Grimsby (in their beautiful pink and red kit) and ran out 5-0 winners and they will now face Manchester United in the semi.
It wasn’t easy for United however, until it was…
The game was mostly an uphill struggle for the mostly on form United side, with Fulham keeping them pegged back and eventually breaking through for Mitrovic to score on the 50th minute.
At that point, despite everything we know about United, it felt like maybe their time was up in the FA Cup. Fulham fans certainly thought so, launching as they did into a rousing chorus of Que Sera Sera. And perhaps if their players (and manager) had kept their cool they would have been.
However, just under 20 minutes later Willian decided to use his hand to stop the ball going out of play. As the last man a red card and a penalty was awarded after Chris Kavanagh took one of the quickest trips ever to the monitor. He did stop briefly to send off Marco Silva for, I believe, attempting to influence a referee while he was in the VAR zone or something. So that was two reds (Willian’s hadn’t yet been given but we knew it was coming).
Then as Chris Kavanagh attempted to re-enter the field of play to dismiss Willian, Mitrovic came charging over, incandescent, demanding his attention. It culminated in him shoulder barging the ref and what I can honestly say is the swiftest production of a red card from a ref’s pocket I’ve ever seen.
Fulham were now down to nine men, managerless and about to lose their lead. Scenes followed. Scenes Sam Matterface insisted nobody wants to see despite tweet after tweet on my timeline yelling about how much people did in fact want to see them.
Bruno naturally converted the penalty and within moments Sabitzer had put them in the lead. Salt was rubbed in the wound at 90+6 when Bruno scored his second, winning the game 3-1 and seeing them through to Wembley.
Over in the Premier League things were hardly calmer. On Friday Newcastle prevailed against Forest even after having a goal disallowed under controversial circumstances. Villa beat Bournemouth who were unable to capitalise on their win over Liverpool, however they did provide the most heartwarming scenes of the weekend when David Brooks, in the squad for Liverpool, finally got some game time, coming on as a late substitute.
Also at 3pm Brentford were unable to capitalise on taking the lead and drew with Leicester, while Spurs threw away a 3-1 lead against bottom club Southampton, more of which later. We also witnessed (or didn’t, if you’re in an area affected by the 3pm blackout) a thriller at Molineaux which saw 6 goals and Leeds winning 2-4.
It was a game of pure chaos during which Wolves’ Jonny went on quite the journey, being at fault for one of Leeds’ goals, scoring his own Golçalves-esque worldie and then being sent off for a leg breaker on Luke Ayling. There were similar scenes in the fixture on the same date last year so why it wasn’t televised I do not know.
The other remaining televised game was Chelsea Everton, which was a rare occasion on which I wanted Chelsea to win. For ~*reasons*~ (well, four reasons specifically *cough*). It was fine. Chelsea looked good for several patches with Joao and Enzo being the highlights. Havertz got on the scoresheet again with a great penalty, as did the aforementioned Joao but they were unable to hold on and Everton fought back each time and ended up sharing the points.
I nearly did but I can’t leave Saturday’s games without mentioning Conte. After watching his team (let’s be clear here, his team) capitulate to Southampton he went on an angry rant about the club and the players that was, I’m sorry to say Spurs fans, essentially a longform version of Chiellini’s ‘history of Tottenham’ quote.
He later clarifed(???) that he meant the players not the club, which, I dunno, feels worse somehow? We all know he won’t be there next season but is it sustainable to keep him until the end? It very much feels like while things are toxic and the way Spurs play is causing great depression to their fans, they’re still fourth and yes they’re no longer in any cup competitions but they probably got as far as to be expected. Like I’ve said previously though, I understand it, you want to love your team wholesale, because when you do, it’s a wonderful feeling.
Which brings us to the final game of the Premier League this weekend. You know what’s coming, forgive me for I cannot contain myself but oh my god THIS TEAM.
Yes, it was Arsenal v. managerless Crystal Palace. And boy, we were good. So good.
That’s not to say Palace were awful, they scored after all, after a run of not even getting a shot off, and Zaha had two close misses but mostly? Yeah, this was Arsenal’s game.
It began with a goal from Martinelli, a goal which immediately healed all the pain of his penalty miss on Thursday and galvanised my love and admiration for him as a player and a man.
Then Saka scored, wonderful, brilliant Saka. 2-0 at half time.
Ten minutes into the second half it was my love Granit’s turn to score. Two in two games, and again he did his celebration for his daughters. Full disclosure, I don’t really like it! But know the reason he does it and the fact he’s scoring again just makes my heart so full.
Jeffrey Schlupp almost ruined the party with a goal not long after but within ten minutes Arsenal were back in control with another goal from Saka.
From what I managed to watch it felt like the Emirates was absolutely rocking (though I felt like that on Thursday from where I was sat and have since seen many people saying it was subdued so what do I know) and the team spirit was off the charts. With Saliba out after getting injured against Sporting there was some nervousness about Rob Holding but he smashed it, as did Ben White. There was a lovely moment in the second half when White made an important clearance and Granit, laughing as he helped him up, then hugged him hard in celebration.
All in all it was a brilliant performance and just what we needed going into the international break and before the real grit of the run in.
And in general it was a good weekend overall for your writer and her merry band of teams. We shall ignore Milan, they peaked too soon and won the Scudetta last year which buggers this up but still, nice reading huh?
And that’s all for this week. Wishing you a lovely week away from club football.
Half Time
After the Champion’s League draw on Friday this tweet made its way onto my timeline
Now, this person has a strong vested interest in Serie A and Milan in particular but it highlighted a general issue in football around what a ‘proper’ fan should be.
Can you only be a fan if a parent, their parent and their parent before them, and maybe even further back supported your club? Do you need to have a season ticket and a seat with your name on in the stadium? Do you have to be able to recall the full starting 11 and the subs from the 1987 FA Cup third round win?
It can be fraught sometimes, being a football fan. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve quickly fact checked myself before tweeting something, not confident in my knowledge, same with this newsletter. I’ve had literally zero complaints or corrections since I started it but every week I still worry I’ve said something that’s going to expose me as not a true or good enough fan. It can be especially hard as a female fan of the game. There’s books to be written on that so I won’t go into it here but it’s not easy and I’m sure we’ve all had comments about getting back to the kitchen.
It’s ridiculous really. I don’t think anyone would doubt my love of and commitment to Arsenal but do I have that rich heritage and encyclopedic knowledge of some fans? No. Does that mean I don’t bleed AFC? Also no.
It’s the same with glory-hunting. It was a big thing when I was a teen and Man United were massive. We’ve all heard, and probably made, the tired joke about their fans all being from Surrey when actually they’re one of the oldest, most established clubs in the world that people are naturally going to gravitate towards if they have no other point of reference (or even if they do). People want joy, they want to watch entertaining football; loving a team that consistently breaks your heart and who languishes in the lower divisions shouldn’t make you a better fan (though to be clear that is also fine!)
As I tweeted when I saw this, people clinging to their club like they’re an indie band they’ve supported since they were doing free gigs in a local pub and feel like they own and have more of a right to that someone else isn’t helpful to anyone. You want football to keep and even grow its global audience right? Don’t you want to share that joy with everyone? There are no limitations on the number of supporters a club can have or what their demographic should be and the sooner some fans realise that the better.
Full Time
We’ve discussed the shenanigans in Utd Fulham but there were two guys who weren’t having any of it.
Sadly Will was Stilled yesterday but this remains funny
Pre-meltdown
This Mudryk shot in training makes me [redacted]
Our little lasses <3
A great piece by Daniel Tiluk on the Lineker saga
Yes I’m biased but this piece on the experience in our squad made me quite tearful.
Shirt of the Week
Shirts have been thin on the ground this week according to my timeline, I don’t think I’ve RTd any. So as a possible one off I’m going with Drip of the Week instead and this ensemble from Joules Koundé for his arrival at El Clásico yesterday.
I just love it. I adore the jacket, it’s fresh and cool and honestly I would wear it. The trousers are beautifully tailored and look soft and comfortable, while fitting perfectly on the hips. The vest is a nice touch, the shoes are cool and the accessories are on point. 10/10 Jules.
Thirst Trap
Against all my better judgement, this week’s Thirst Trap is a Manchester City player. No, not him, or him, oh no definitely not him. It’s actually someone who flies under the radar, someone who not many people would necessarily think about when they think of a thirst trap. No! Not him either!
This week the Thirst Trap is former Borussia Dortmund player Manuel Akanji.
I can’t pretend that coming to Manchester hasn’t given him a glow up. I don’t remember particularly fancying him when he was at BVB, but I left the TV on after the game on Friday evening and there was an interview with him that made me think hmmmm, he really is quite beautiful isn’t he? I’m sure we all know he’s a mental arithmetic whizz and he seems like a sweet guy. And you know what? Sometimes a pretty soft boy is what you want and what you need.
That’s all folks! Until next week (maybe? Perhaps I too will have an international break unless I get called up by another publication), have a good one!
In case you didn’t see this, a great Guardian long read on referees: https://www.theguardian.com/football/2023/mar/21/inside-world-premier-league-football-referees-pgmol-howard-webb-andre-marriner-darren-england