Se7en
Kick Off
We’re going high concept this week lads, strap in!
Gluttony
Gluttony (Latin: gula) is the overindulgence and overconsumption of anything to the point of waste.
They laughed at Graeme Souness.
Before the match he said he’d never felt more confident that Liverpool were going to be at it, that they were there to get something out of the game. Gary and Roy barely suppressed their giggles. For after all, who was more likely to win here? A team who had just won the Carabao Cup and were in a rich vein of form, or the strugglers, the team who were taken apart by Real Madrid just 12 days earlier.
And maybe, for 40 minutes that could have been the case. Allisson made one of what has been threatening to become his customary blunders, only for the rest of the team to spare his blushes. Martinez remained on the pitch after a blatant elbow to the face of Salah to the frustration of the home crowd. Chances went begging.
Then, at 43 minutes, Cody Gakpo broke the deadlock. 1-0
So going into halftime 1-0 down is fine right? You’ve always got room to manoeuvre there, you can easily come back from that.
Then the second half kicked off and within two minutes Darwin doubled the lead with a great header. 2-0
Again, 2-0 feels shit but it’s fine, we saw, and will cover later, that teams can overturn that deficit.
Unfortunately Cody Gakpo had other ideas, getting his brace with a sweet strike past De Gea at the tightest of angles. 3-0
Then it was Mo’s turn. A sublime finish from him to put him level with Robbie Fowler on goals scored for Liverpool and to seal United’s capitulation. 4-0
Next it was Darwin’s turn to get a brace. Another bullet header as he wiggled his way above everyone else like a salmon in heat and knocked it in the net. 5-0
Another brace for someone? Sure. This time it was the Egyptian King himself, putting his name in the record books as Liverpool’s all time leading Premier League goalscorer. A celebration for us all to enjoy, and a coronation from Trent followed 👑 6-0
And the yellow card he got for taking his shirt off?
For the last few minutes changes were made and Klopp brought on club legend, the beloved Roberto Firmino. Having confirmed earlier in the week that he’d be leaving the club in the Summer he was met with a rapturous reception. This was sealed when he scored the seventh and final goal in the 88th minute. Bobby, we salute you and your antics 🫡 7-0
The game ended then, with Liverpool bloated with goals, having tucked into the meal United laid out for them. On United’s part there were hints of their former issues. Bruno lacked discipline, fight and composure, acting like an embarrassing child for much of the game. There was a disorganisation we’d come to believe was behind them. But at the end of the day this was Liverpool’s game. An historic victory, the biggest ever over United, the crowning of a new goalscoring king and maybe we should be asking Graeme Souness for tomorrow’s Euromillions numbers 🔮
Lust
Lust or lechery (Latin: luxuria "carnal") is intense longing. Dante defined lust as the disordered love for individuals.
I went to watch Arsenal last week.
I’ve spent years trying to justify to myself all the reasons why I’ve never bothered before, when what it really came down to was fear. Fear of my physical body in that situation; fear of doing something wrong; fear of someone outing me as not a big enough or serious enough fan. Something has happened this season though, both for the team and for me personally and after a conversation with a friend about how to get tickets, the God of Luck looked upon me and I managed to secure a seat for the Everton game.
Briefly, because we have bigger things to talk about, it was amazing. I had the absolute time of my life. I thought I was going to expire when the lads came out to warm up and Xhaka was right there. And then I saw Martin, and Gabi and Fabi and Oleks and Jorgi and and. Yeah it was great. Then there was the crowd. Again, men’s games have always made me fearful because of the intensity of the crowd. I’m no shrinking violet and no unworldly innocent but it worried me. Should I have been worried? Not for a moment. The atmosphere was incredible. I felt not a shred of tension (over and above usual game tension!) or ire. I chatted to the guys either side of me. I sang and chanted and whooped and cheered. I loved it so so much.
And the performance? Hoo boy. I tweeted right after about how much of a baller Gabriel is. We know this but it’s so evident in the flesh. He fights for everything, he’s always there. He’s amazing. Then there’s Trossard. He is so quick. A brilliant signing who I hope bounces back quickly after Saturday. It was an easy 4-0 in the end, after a bit of huffing and puffing but man, I had the best time ever. I just love the group so very much.
To Saturday then. Bournemouth. BT Sport Score had just come back from a break, they were about to look at the teams for our game when there was shrieking.
9 seconds.
NINE SECONDS.
After a ridiculous and brilliant kick off routine Bournemouth were ahead via Philip Billing and the second fastest ever Premier League goal.
It’s easy to panic in those situations. (That’s it, it’s easy to panic). I tried to calm my nerves by finding a decent stream (if the authorities ask though, no I didn’t) and we were so very dominant but just couldn’t break them down enough to score.
Then in the second half, after just twelve minutes, we succumbed to a set piece with a lovely header from Senesi. They say 2-0 is the most dangerous lead but who really believes that?
I felt defeated but luckily I wasn’t on the pitch and if we’ve learned anything about Arsenal this season it’s that those boys won’t ever give up.
Five minutes after Bournemouth’s second we clawed one back. Then eight minutes after that Benjamin White walloped the ball into the net, Neto pushed it back out but it was over the line. 2-2. Game On.
At this point you go through all the stages of grief don’t you? Bargaining being the strongest one: ‘just let us hold on, we’ll still be top, we’ll be three points ahead of City, we just need to keep winning, we can do this, maybe City will slip up, it’s OK, this fine, just don’t concede’
Then in the dying seconds we got a corner. It pinged around a bit and then…
I’m not going to lie, I was looking for pics to use for this and now I’m weeping again. I just can’t get over these lads and how they make me feel. A 90+7 winner from Reiss Nelson, a boyhood Gooner, one of our beautiful Hale Enders who’s been with the club since he was 8.
Chris Sutton screamed, Rachel Brown-Finnis screamed, Jules Breach screamed. Over in the MOTD studio Wrighty was literally on the floor.
The entire Gooner supporting world exploded (honestly unless you have an anti-Arsenal agenda this thread is the most cheering thing in the world.)
I fully lost my shit. I still can’t believe it actually happened. There were moments during the game where my mind wandered to something like that happening, to me screaming with joy at a last minute winner, but for it to actually happen?
We’re 5 point clear still. Fulham next. I’ll remain nervous but I truly believe these boys can do anything. My disordered love for them grows stronger every goddamn day.
Greed
Greed (Latin: avaritia), also known as avarice, cupidity, or covetousness, is a sin of desire, an inordinate desire to acquire or possess more than one needs, especially with respect to material wealth.
Manchester City vs. Newcastle United.
City, it seems, have recovered from their wobble, if anything this current incarnation of the team does can ever be described as that, while Newcastle were looking to, in some way, avenge their defeat at the hands of the red half of Manchester in the Carabao Cup.
The 12:30 kick off is a funny one. Sometimes you get matches of true wonder, like Villa vs. Arsenal, other times, presumably because the players have struggled to get pasta down their throats so early they’re a slog.
This was something in between. Of course there was so much more to get our claws into over the rest of the weekend but I can’t pretend I’m not struggling to remember much of the game. From memory it was easy for City. Was it? This isn’t even current season bias, but I just don’t find them interesting or exciting to watch. It’s too formulaic, too obvious.
Foden scored first, after 15 minutes, and I feared the worst at that point. Assumed it would be a rout. Luckily Newcastle held on, only for super sub Bernardo to come on and score a second after 67 minutes.
Is another game without a Haaland goal worrying? Have they wasted their money just to get something everyone else wanted? (No, absolutely not, he’s been unstoppable for much of the season and got an assist, I’m just sticking with the theme of greed).
They go to down on their luck Palace next week and I can’t see their momentum stopping. But we shall see. (Do it for us Uncle Pat!)
Sloth
Sloth (Latin: tristitia, or acedia "without care") may be defined as absence of interest or habitual disinclination to exertion. In his Summa Theologica, Saint Thomas Aquinas defined sloth as "sorrow about spiritual good".
It was a bad week for Spurs fans. Some of my fave mutuals are among them and I know how much they’ve been suffering this season.
I’ve mocked this lightly recently, when their form was decent, because a season where you’re still in the Champion’s League and have a chance to finish top four doesn’t seem like a bad one by almost anyone’s standards. However it’s indicative of the wider issue of being a fan which is that you don’t just want to have whatever your club deems as success, you want to always be pushing for more, to show fight and desire, to play exciting football.
Arsenal fans, ironically, understand this more than most given our form over the past few years, so I have sympathy with my North London brethren. That won’t, of course, stop me laughing at their troubles, for that too is part of being a football fan, but I get it and it’s horrible.
After an extremely poor performance in the week, with an under-strength team being fielded for a competition you might reasonably expect to go deep into, and the loss that caused, Saturday’s game against Wolves was a chance to pick themselves up and really try and kick on in the league.
Unfortunately for them it wasn’t to be, and instead Julen Lopetegui’s tricky Wolves side came out on top as 1-0 winners, with a late goal from Adam Traore.
Spurs have a possible banana skin of a game against Milan on Wednesday, as they try to overturn a 1-0 deficit to keep them in the Champions League, and then they host Forest on Saturday where they’ll hope again, that they can come out of their slothfulness and get the win they so crave.
Wrath
Wrath (ira) can be defined as uncontrolled feelings of anger, rage, and even hatred. Wrath often reveals itself in the wish to seek vengeance.
In football, wrath can define itself in many ways. It can come out on the pitch, from the touchline, it can be shouted from the stands or at the television. It’s there on social media, whether it’s quiet anger no-one ever sees, or toxic abuse directed at players and their families.
Perhaps one of the most wrathful people in football right now, especially when we look at it as being defined by a wish to seek vengeance, is José Mourinho.
Even by his standards the reports coming out this week of his antics at a Roma v Lazio under 14s game are bad. It’s all fun and games until you start shouting at actual children and let’s not forget the way he’s treated some of his players in the past too.
Unfortunately however, he’s also one of the game’s great entertainers. We love to see him lose his shit, post shady instagrams and make wild accusations in post match conferences.
So it was with trepidation that we approached Roma v. Juventus this weekend. For his comments about the refereeing after their defeat at the hands of Cremonese on Tuesday a touchline ban had been given.
Fans of chaos and violence were delighted to learn that this got overturned and so we went into the game with José in the dugout.
As to be expected from Mou, it was a tight game with little opportunity for either side until Gianluca Mancini broke the deadlock after 53 minutes with a sweet, sweet strike.
It was, however, Juventus who provided the wrath in the game. After being subbed on in the 89th minute, Moise Kean clattered into Mancini and while on the ground lashed out and earned himself a straight red. He was on the pitch for 40 seconds.
Envy
Envy (invidia) is characterized by an insatiable desire. It can be described as a sad or resentful covetousness towards the traits or possessions of someone else. It comes from vainglory and severs a man from his neighbour.
PSG.
A team built on the wealth of a petro-state. A team with enough money to throw at players that it’s amassed a frontline of Mbappé, Neymar and Messi, perhaps the greatest player of all time.
But they still don’t have the things they crave the most. The Champions League and respect.
They try, boy do they try, but they sit alone in Ligue 1, despised by everyone. Do you know anyone who isn’t Julien Laurens who supports them? I know I don’t. We may love to watch Messi and Mbappé but that generally seems to be where it ends, no-one is rooting for them. Especially not after the news that came out on Friday.
Perhaps it’s their envy that’s offputting, that whiff of desperation that no-one likes to see. Maybe it’s that no-one ever really seems happy there, that there’s always a story about discord, be it the managers or the players.
Given all of this, their dominance of Ligue 1 over the past decade or so does nothing to help accusations of Ligue 1 being a Farmers’ League (even though we know it’s not, the talent to be found there is astonishing) and in fact damages their reputation further.
So it was with some delight that for a few moment at least on Saturday it looked like Nantes might be about to cause an upset. PSG took the lead early via Messi, followed by an own goal. Nantes then fought back to make it 2-2, only for Pereira and, who else, Mbappé to seal the win.
They have tight game against Bayern in the Champions League next, if they can pull off a win and overturn Bayern’s 1-0 lead, they’ll be one step close to achieving the thing they so want.
Pride
Pride (superbia), also known as hubris (from Ancient Greek ὕβρις) or futility. It is an irrational belief that one is essentially better, superior, or more important than others, despising their merits, and excessively admiring oneself as godlike, refusing to acknowledge one's limits, faults, or wrongs.
It was the Conti Cup Final yesterday. And everyone, and I mean everyone, thought that Chelsea already had their name on the trophy. For understandable reasons too. They’re probably the best team in the WSL, they have the incredible Lauren James, an amazing striker in Sam Kerr and one of the greatest WSL managers there’s ever been. So of course they’d win against an Arsenal side lacking confidence, belief and perhaps most importantly, strikers.
Two minutes in and it all seemed to be going to plan. Chelsea found their way through Arsenal and Sam Kerr gave them the lead. Channel the men, I muttered to myself, not really believing it.
But then, who should pop up after quarter of an hour but the much maligned and almost offloaded, Stina Blackstenius. “She’s just not it” a friend and I had agreed while WhatsApping before the game. Thank you for proving us wrong during the biggest occasion Stina.
Eight minutes later Arsenal were awarded a penalty which was taken as cool as you like by captain Kim Little and then, on 45+5, right before the whistle for the end of the first half, Niamh Charles was credited with an own goal that I will always claim for my bae Rafaelle.
After that it was a case of hanging on and from my viewing at least, it was comfortable and we cruised to the win.
Afterwards Emma Hayes admitted that while Chelsea simply weren’t good enough, there was too much tactical time wasting and well, if this whole situation wasn’t pride coming before a fall I don’t know what is.
I love you Katie McCabe
So there we have it. The end of a conceptual, mammoth round up of the weekend’s football, the surface of which I frankly didn’t even begin to scratch.
And remember. Don’t open the box.
Half Time
I think we’ve earned an actual rest after this week’s Kick Off huh? Have a suck on an orange, change your jersey and I’ll see you at Full Time.
Full Time
We are The Arsenal
And we never give up
Just going to sneak in this brilliant article about the Arsenal third goal celebration. What a time.
I can’t possibly leave this issue without mentioning Carlos Alcaraz’s beautiful goal for Southampton on Saturday
Maybe this should’ve been in the Wrath section idk
Although it worked out OK
The kids are alright
Adore this (yes yes more Arsenal, bite me, it’s good)
Brighton posting their March fixtures with a picture of Solly March 😚👌🏼
Shirt of The Week
*pushes glasses up nose and raises hand* Um, this is more of a comment than a shirt of the week *audience groans*
Yes Toni you beautiful man. I excuse the current Arsenal shirt of course but otherwise I’m a round neck gal all the way.
Thirst Trap
There really is only one choice this week. Leader, ‘freak’ (©️Granit Xhaka), genius, smokin hot dilf (who is younger than me but shut up).
Mikel Arteta.
If you made it this far thank you and well done! I fuckin loved writing this so no apologies for the length but I hope it wasn’t too much and that you enjoyed it.
Until next week, have a lovely se7en days I hope your team wins, except you, not them, euw 😅👋🏼👋🏼
glorious round up, thank you!!