The Premier Threeague
The Premier Threeague
Kick Off
Well. Well, well, well. I think it's fair to say this has been a bit of a mad weekend, across all of Europe. There were goals galore (125), a huge number of red cards (23) and some shock results.
So where to begin?
Let's pop across the channel shall we to France and Germany where they each provided a true thumping.
Firstly, to Germany where Bayern beat Vfl Bochum 0-7. This follows an opening day 6-1 win against Eintracht and a more mediocre 2-0 win over Wolfsburg, all of which came after a 5-3 win in the Supercup. I think it's fair to say that Lewandowski was holding them back...
Their next game is against Gladbach, currently flying high in 2nd, which may or may not be a tougher test. But with Mané fitting in seamlessly and a tally that currently stands at eight different scorers, including teenage prodigy Musiala, I wouldn't bet against them in any match.
This weekend in the Bundesliga also saw the most spectacular and speedy collapse in a long time, courtesy of, naturally, my guys Borussia Dortmund. Despite huffing and puffing their way through the first half, Julian Brandt scored a great goal on the stroke of half time and Raphaël Guerreiro another fantastic strike after 77 minutes against newly promoted Werder Bremen. They were leading, perhaps against the run of play, for 88 minutes. And then. AND THEN. Goddamn Bremen. It started with a goal by Lee Buchanan in the 89th minute. This was followed by a Niklas Schmidt strike on 90+3. The deal was sealed with an Oliver Burke winner on 90+5. I've only watched the highlights but the goals were soft, the keeping was bad and honestly the Black and Yellow should be ashamed. Which I can say with impunity as the BlackYellow Twitter account has already blocked me :)
In France, across ten games, we saw 38 goals and 11 red cards. I've long said that whenever I watch European football there's a red card. While this wasn't true this weekend (I only watched Real Sociedad v Barcelona) these stats prove that there is a preponderance of dismissals on the continent. There were also three reds in Serie A and seven in La Liga. By contrast, there was one each in the Premier League and Bundesliga.
While everyone else seems to be losing their heads, PSG seem to have found theirs, with Gaultier giving them a formidable unity that's seen them win 0-5, 5-2 and 1-7 so far this season. Unlike Bayern they've so far 'only' had six scorers across their 17 goals but all the main culprits (Messi, Neymar and Sunday's hattrick king Mbappe) are on fire, with Neymar scoring a brace in each fixture. However, despite their league dominance it's the Champion's League that, as with Manchester City, is the big prize. Could this be their year?
In La Liga there were a paltry 21 goals (although there are two more matches tonight) with Real and Barca taking the lion's share, both winning 4-1, with Robert Lewandowski scoring a brace on his 34th birthday.
The real star of the show however, was Ansu Fati. Despite being forced to play in a kit that looks like chintzy flock curtains, he came on as a sub and changed the game, assisting Lewy and bagging one for himself.
The scoreline was unflattering however and Xavi has some work to do to make sure Barcelona actually are dominant and can control matches.
Serie A, as is tradition, had the fewest goals this weekend, with a barely into double figures 12, seven of which came from Inter (who beat Spezia 3-0) and Napoli (who beat Monza 4-0). The only other winners were Sassuolo who beat Lecce 1-0. Elsewhere there were three 0-0s and two 1-1 draws, from Bologna Verona which had the now traditional Bologna red card and Atalanta AC Milan.
Napoli are making another strong start to the season, sitting pretty at the top with a goal difference of +7 meaning Juve will have to beat Samp by five clear goals to go top outright on GD or four to go top alphabetically (if that's how they do it in Serie A? I'm honestly not sure).
And so we finally reach the Premier League. What a weekend, and it hasn't even finished yet, with the spectacle of Manchester United v. Liverpool this evening; two clubs each facing their own kind of early season crisis.
Let's not try and predict the future though, let's talk about what actually happened.
The weekend started with a sluggish game between Spurs and Wolves that saw Spurs run out the eventual winners, thanks to a Harry Kane goal.
Then there was a selection of 3 o'clock games that, on the surface, did little to inspire many people I saw tweeting on Saturday. Write seemingly dull looking games off at your peril though!
Aside from Everton Forest which was rescued only by two late goals in the 81st and 88th minutes, the other matches each gave us drama and excitement. From Palace showing what they're made of and putting Stevie G's Villa to bed with a convincing 3-1 win, to Southampton clawing their way back against Leicester to the pendulum that was Fulham Brentford, each game had a strong storyline.
The end result leaves Leicester looking somewhat sorrowful, Fulham consolidating their sturdy starts against Liverpool and Wolves, Southampton putting any rumours of discontent to bed and Forest showing that they can keep up with the big boys.
On Sunday the 'secret' game between West Ham and Brighton (in that it wasn't televised and barely got a mention) ended with Brighton coming out on top 0-2. West Ham seem to be in trouble. It would help, I suspect, if David Moyes could make a bit more effort in remembering his players' names. It makes me wonder whether he was responsible himself for the misspelt Scamacca announcement.
The two big matches of the day however were televised and boy am I glad they were.
It started at 2pm with Leeds v. Chelsea. Always watch Leeds. Always. Whether they win, lose or draw you know it's going to be entertaining. They're just such great fun, from the bunch of cute, passionate players to their take-no-shit charmer of a manager to their gung-ho style of play. I really love them. (And that's before you mention Luke Ayling being the first currently playing footballer to attend a Pride event in the UK).
I think, however, no matter how much you like them, it's fair to say that Chelsea went into the game as massive favourites and for a while, it maybe looked like that's how it was going to go.
Then Mendy happened. Making a slow, indecisive move to play out from the back, Brenden Aaronson was quite to take advantage and steal the ball from Mendy's feet, slotting in the ball home for the cheekiest goal we've seen so far this season.
Then, because men are too emotional to get themselves together after conceding a goal, just four minutes later Rodrigo doubled Leeds' lead and Chelsea's pain.
The loss was sealed in the second half when Jack Harrison got their third in the 69th minute. Nice.
It was then over to St James's Park for Newcastle United v. Manchester City. City have looked strong and unbeatable so far, with wins against beleaguered West Ham (0-2) and Bournemouth (4-0). Newcastle on the other hand had a win and draw under their belts and were the only team, along with City, yet to concede.
Who would blink first?
Well, it was Newcastle, within the first few minutes, when Gundogan scored in the 5th. At that point it felt like it was going to be another classic City performance.
Then Newcastle scored. A narratively perfect Almirón goal (Jack Grealish had been left out of the squad entirely after his comments about Almirón during City's title winning celebrations). Game on.
I put my notifications on for this game, watching as I do on NOW TV (Liverpool have only just won the league it's that far behind) and found my eyebrows zooming up off the top of my head just 11 minutes later when Callum Wilson put them in front.
After managing to hold on until half time and beyond, it was then the turn of Kieran Trippier, the Bury Beckham, to drive home a glorious free kick and make it 3-1.
And then
Followed by
However, Newcastle were able to hold on and City dropped their first points of the season.
Now, you may be wondering why, at this point, having talked about the games chronologically, there was one missing. You've heard about 'save the best til last' right? Well then :)
I am of course talking about Bournemouth 0 - 3(should have been 4) Arsenal.
Yet again we reigned supreme in our delicious pink kit. Some of the play was incredible. Jesus is of course a revelation but Zinchenko and Saliba, my god. Saliba's goal was so so good and it's true to say we were all Zinchenko.
Let's not forget our glorious captain either, my beautiful Norwegian son Martin, or my Swiss Dish Xhaka or my Brazilian son Martinelli. In fact they were all brilliant and so were the fans. They were so loud and I could not be more delighted by the new Saliba chant. It's just so joyous. Let it earworm me to death, I don't care!
The win left Arsenal top of the league as the only team to win all of the games so far. The oxygen really is thin up here and I feel giddy as fuck. Fulham next, which isn't a fixture to be sniffed at and I will be nervous as all hell on Saturday, especially as it's being televised again.
For now however, I'm allowing the madness, let me lean into it and enjoy it. I'm certainly not going to start thinking we're going to win the league but I am going to dance around the house being extremely obnoxious to my Liverpool supporting husband. After the last few years I deserve that at least right?
Half Time
You may or may not have noticed that I've changed the section headers a little bit today. There's no particularly deep reason for it, I just felt that after what has become a long and rambling first section, it made sense to add a shorter, snippier section afterwards to deal with Everything Else, whether that be something that may previously have been Football 'eritage or an issue affecting the game or what I initially set out to do, learn about and explain tactics and positions and all of that side of things.
Anyway, it's Manchester United Liverpool tonight and already Manchester United fans are starting their planned anti-Glazer protests.
But what is it about the Glazers that United fans hate so much? There's a reason for almost every left-leaning supporter to hate their club's billionaire owners, some more than others but there is particular, targeted ire at the United ownership.
It's not difficult to see why. The once great club hasn't won anything, anything, since Jose took them to EFL Cup and Europa League glory in 2017. Five years is a long long time for Manchester United fans.
Not only that but the team is in shambles. Since Sir Alex Ferguson quit in 2013 after 27 years at the helm, they've had five managers and three caretaker/interim managers. Player turnover has been enormous. We've seen hyped individuals come to United and be wasted or beaten down until they have to fight to leave.
The ground is old and shabby, which I can testify to. Climbing up to your seats at the top of the stadium is both poor in terms of accessibility and just a poor experience all round. The setting is bleak concrete and old metal barriers. It's just unpleasant. This is just as a spectator. Journalists complain of the facilities and the lack of WiFi. Even if you think this is the complaint of a poor pampered lamb, remember, this is a global brand, one of the best supported teams in the country, they have an image to live up to.
That these things have happened is down in many ways to the financing of the club, taking them from a profitable organisation to a club shouldering £600m worth of debt today, whilst having paid enormous amounts of interest against this debt, which could have been used for infrastructure, first team, women's team, youth team, all the useful, value driven things fans want.
This is a really great article by the Athletic's Adam Crafton about the whys and the whos and the hows of the Glazer reign.
Supporters' Group The 1958 are organising the protests against them tonight, although Liverpool's Jurgen Klopp has called for the game to be forfeited in Liverpool's favour if they again cause the fixture to be postponed.
Thirst Trap
I'm not going to lie friends, my well is running a little dry in this arena. Despite my (well founded) reputation, after 60+ issues it can be hard to come up with a brand new, not before mentioned hottie. Of course the world of football always turns up new sweethearts or someone you didn't notice before suddenly gets a new haircut or does something to make you stand up and pay attention.
This week though, it's not someone new, or someone leftfield or unusual. In fact it's someone who would probably be the top of many peoples' lists and who, as I went to schedule this, I suddenly felt like I'd done before? Yet this section is something I do keep a scrupulous list about. Ah well. No-one's going to mind seeing him twice are they ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
He's a banger if you will, a true hottie. A man who is suave, sophisticated, talented and full of, well, va va voom.
Yes, it's Thierry Henry. Goalscorer extraordinaire. Arsenal legend. World Cup winner. Fashion icon. Fantastic and iconic pundit.
Merch Stand
A super quick one here. Buy the new Mundial mag. Pre-orders open now. Look at the amazing cover!
Full Time
Full Time indeed, this time on Ellen White's football career. The England legend announced her retirement earlier today.
More Leeds love, sort of, this is a great Jesse Marsch compilation
I've heard rumours today of Arsenal having an interest in Sandro Tonali and United making a bid for Kevin Trapp and all I can say is that if either OR BOTH happen I will NOT BE OK. Especially as Kevin Trapp will be in the same team as Christian Eriksen.
[tweet https://twitter.com/838_carlisle/status/1560805926784978945]
(I'm mad there's no preview on this because it's a gif)
Welbeck doing excellent tweets again
And that's it for the week! Remember to grab a can or a glass of wine or a nice cool drink of water and settle down for the United Liverpool game tonight. I hope it's a good one.
Take care and see you next Monday!
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