💖VARlentine’s Massacre 💖
Kick Off
As promised, this week I did nothing but sit around and watch football. And The Last of Us and Pottery Throwdown and The Gold. Honestly you should watch all of these. TLOU is just great TV, there was a scene in this week’s (ep 5, released early because of the Super Bowl) that made me gasp so loudly. In respect of The Gold, a fantastic drama about the Brinks-MAT robbery of 1983, who doesn’t love a heist? Especially when it’s based on a real life one whose tentacles reach so far and deep into the very fabric of British society and much of the corruption of the late 20th and early 21st centuries (excitingly it looks like there’s a tie-in podcast too; the first series about Curtis ‘Cocky’ Warren was great). Finally Throwdown is just a really perfect way to end a week. Everyone is lovely but there’s also peril and emotions and I love it and love pottery.
Anyway, aside from a quick rundown of my weekend culture intake, this also serves to explain why I’ve only really watched Premier League this weekend. I did catch a bit of Milan v. Torino on Friday, indeed turning on just as Giroud scored, but I was mostly watching Top of the Pops repeats and Burt Bacharach [RIP] at the BBC.
So, the Premier League. First, a disclaimer: I’ll be going into detail about the VAR/refereeing fuck ups later on so don’t think I’m ignoring those.
We began on Saturday afternoon with West Ham v. Chelsea. Chelsea were resplendent in their confusing third kit (do I like it? do I hate it? I don’t know!) and fielding a raft of new signings, including the now unsuspended Joao Felix.
Chelsea were strong in the first half hour, scoring three goals, with just the middle one from Felix being judged legitimate.
West Ham then evened the score after 28 minutes with a goal from ex-Chelsea player Emerson Palmieri.
The atmosphere, which had been quite subdued up to that point, picked up after that and into the second half. Neither team was able to break the deadlock until West Ham scored, only for an offside to be given. There was also, of course, the handball incident with Souček, which I’ll mention later.
The rest of the day saw three 1-1s, including a frustrating one, on several levels, for Arsenal and also for Brighton, a win for Fulham, a 4-1 win for Leicester against the wildly inconsistent Spurs and perhaps most damningly, a 1-2 loss for Southampton, despite a player being sent off for Wolves (again, more of that later).
This loss, along with the results to date and his weird, divisively arrogant attitude, cost Nathan Jones his job. Hilariously, I’ve seen talk of Ralph Hasenhüttl coming back. Or Jesse Marsch.
On Sunday, United left it late to beat Leeds, eventually seeing them off with goals from Garnacho and Rashford.
They make me nervous if I’m honest and I’m glad we don’t have to play them again. Although it’s fair to say that maybe our attackers would have made more of Harry Maguire’s blunder in the first half.
The win put United into second for all of two-ish hours, while City effortlessly dispatched with Villa. It was good to see Villa score a consolation, proving that City aren’t impenetrable and I just have to hope that on Wednesday Arsenal can either hold them or find those gaps and make the best of them and not allow them to overtake us. I don’t for one minute believe the rumours that Haaland is a doubt, despite coming off at halftime yesterday, it feels too much like mind games. I’m just very nervous and half tempted to watch Chelsea Dortmund instead…
In the WSL there were a number of fixtures rescheduled from the opening weekend and the disruption caused by the Queen’s death. These saw United make it past Spurs and back to the top of the table, despite a good effort from Spurs and a red card for Ella Toone and Villa thumped Brighton 2-6 with a first WSL hattrick for Jordan Nobbs, who also made it into the England squad for the Arnold Clark Cup following Fran Kirby’s withdrawal through injury. In a game rescheduled for different reasons Leicester also beat Liverpool 0-1.
Finally, Arsenal were beaten by Manchester City, 2-1, in a game I really hope isn’t reflected in the Premier League, which put them down into 4th. Having drawn Bayern in the UWCL and having Chelsea in both the FA Cup and the final of the Conti Cup, the chances of any silverware this year looks minimal.
Over the channel in Europe we saw Barcelona and Napoli all but cement their titles with wins over Valencia and Cremonese respectively. Napoli in particular seem out of sight and while both are mathematically still not confirmed, it seems unlikely that either team is going to go on a title losing run.
In Ligue 1, despite losing 3-1 to Monaco, PSG are still five points clear at the top and will probably secure another successive title. Arsenal loanee Folarin Balogun scored yet again for Reims in their 4-0 defeat of Troyes and I dunno, just putting it out there that maybe we should bring him home?
Last but not least, in the Bundesliga Dortmund saw off Bremen and managed to keep a clean sheet for once, Bayern eased past Bochum 3-0 to stay top of the table and Union also won to maintain their runners up spot.
Other notable results were a 4-1 win for relegation threatened Hertha against Gladbach and another relegation zone team Schalke earning a valuable point against Wolfsburg.
With Dortmund on 40 points, Union on 42 and Bayern on 43, all with the same number of games played, it’s entirely feasible that someone other than Bayern could take the crown this year. Dortmund and Union play Hertha and Schalke at the weekend and they’ll be hoping Gladbach come out fighting against Bayern after this week’s defeat and maybe allow Union back onto the top spot.
Half Time
Was I going to talk briefly about the City situation and my experience as a childhood Swindon Town supporter with something not exactly similar but certainly on the same page (or at least in the same book) and how come I’ve seen no-one but me mention it? Yes.
Have we instead had another weekend of appalling VAR decisions that need addressing? Also yes.
It’s tiresome isn’t it? Every week it’s VAR this and VAR that and aren’t referees awful, and more often than not it’s just griping or fanbases playing the victim, however this weekend we’ve seen so many stonewall errors that it can’t be ignored. And I’m writing this late on Saturday so there might even be more to come on Sunday and Monday.
So what happened? It should be simple right? No matter how much you hate the boundaries that are currently in place for it, offside should be black and white. Whether it’s a centimetre or several feet you either are or you aren’t. In order to determine tight cases we’ve decided to draw lines on still images, only this weekend we’ve seen a scenario where the official “forgot” to draw them and another where they were drawn in the wrong place and not on the last defender. (These were an offside in the build up to Brentford’s equaliser against Arsenal and in the Palace Brighton game.)
We’ve had a blatant handball checked and OKd as no issue. We all know how Byzantine the handball rules are this season but I think everyone is in agreement that Souček deliberately handled the ball.
As Ian Wright said on Instagram this morning, this is “the best league in the world”. Once a bit of a joke statement, there are now strong arguments to back it up. Look at the players it attracts, the managers, the successes in Europe over the past five years (and I don’t just mean winning trophies but also teams getting deep in the various competitions) and sure, money is a big factor but it also feels like a golden age in some ways. Yet we can’t get the officiating right.
It’s maddening when people claim their teams are being targeted, that certain refs are biased against them, when it’s clear that it’s simply a PGMOL wide failing. How can you forget to draw the lines? How do you draw them in the wrong place? Again, as Wrighty said, this isn’t technology’s fault, the tech is there and it works. A bad workman always blames his tools right?
We’ve had an apology from Howard Webb, head of the PGMOL, to both Arsenal and Brighton but it’s not good enough really, it’s too late now. Human error is what VAR is here to remove, offside is not a subjective decision and if there’s any doubt with an incident that is, then send the on field ref to the monitor. It doesn’t have to be this tortured.
Full Time
Very funny from KSI
Sorry Spurs fans, two slanderous tweets in quick succession
I just love the trajectory of this
Lionesses at the BRITs
Chloe Kelly played on Saturday afternoon, assisted and scored, won POTM and then went to the BRITs
Leah Williamson, Chloe Kelly and Alex Scott (plus Cat Burns)
Shirt of the Week
This week’s shirt is Scotland’s 150th anniversary jersey.
I think we all know that adidas rarely miss but this is a beauty. I love the thick white collar and the striped cuffs and the three stripe shoulder detail being satin ribbon is a lovely touch and the years printed inside are great. It’s also a gorgeous colour.
The real star is the badge though. You may need to zoom in to see it in its full glory but it really is stunning. Around the outside there’s a fine circle with 150 years and 1873 and 2023 embroidered in the same colour stitching as the shirt, which is also how the thistles are rendered. Then there’s the griffin, resplendent in a really nice shade of gold. I love it.
Thirst Trap
This week’s Thirst Trap is proof of the power of good hair. This is someone who’d always been bubbling quietly under the radar, until he returned from lockdown with what can only be described as a mane. Thankfully, unlike many other unkempt players, he stuck with it and boy does he wear it well. A true master of the manbun. He also has a beautiful smile and seems like a decent guy.
Friends, it’s Ruben Neves, awooo etc.
And that’s it for another issue. It’s been an extremely tough and bleak weekend for news, not that every week hasn’t been recently, it just seems to have reached breaking point for me today. So given that, I hope everyone is doing as well as you can and that you have good things in your life to balance the horrors. Love and strength to anyone struggling and I’ll see you in a week x
🚨BUT WAIT! STOP THE PRESSES!🚨
As I was about to have a final read through and press send on this I popped on Twitter and saw this beautiful video from Czech international Jakub Jantko coming out as gay. On a day full of awful news for the LGBTQ+ community this is extremely needed and wonderful and brave. So much love to Jakub 💖🌈
